While it's pretty tough to guarantee a moment to ourselves on a daily basis, we think we all owe it to ourselves to at least try for a weekly dose of self-care...
Mothers of Singapore: we salute you ALL. Whether you’re a working mum, stay-at-home mum, new or old mum, it’s safe to say we’ve all battled feelings of failure, frustration and pressure when it comes to this parenting lark (don’t get us started on yucky mummy shaming either!). And we’re also well aware that we don’t do enough stuff just for us – we’re talking about us mums doing some major self-care. But we’re not going to tell you “Just make sure you take some time every day to concentrate on yourself”, because we totally get that it isn’t always possible.
Instead, we are going to give you a whopping great list of 52 ways you can use to bring some peace of mind to your life on a daily/weekly/monthly basis (we’re hoping you’ll nail one a week if you can, but no pressure – no-one needs more of that) and indulge in some me-time. Here are the self-care for mums things the HoneyKids and Honeycombers ladies have tried (or keep meaning to try) in order to add a little sanity to our lives….
1. Yoga: whack on a YouTube vid and try bending and stretching those tight muscles (aka thanks, kids) away for a while.
2. Go have coffee. On your own. In a grown-up kinda cafe where babyccinos aren’t a thing and you don’t have to be Mum. (But don’t forget to sit at least one metre apart from other peeps!) Order a slice of chocolate cake or two for even more self-care.
3. Palm the kids and husbands off on each other, lock yourself in your room, put on some Netflix and watch a film with zero animation involved. Turn up the AC. Eat M&Ms.
4. Have a nap. You’ve been sleep-deprived for years. You deserve it.
5. Download the Headspace app and start with 10 minutes of mindfulness and meditation as often as you can. Try and grab 10 minutes to yourself, even if it means setting the alarm a tad earlier than usual.
6. Let yourself just be silly with your kids, with no expectations of trying to entertain them, educate them or for them to ‘behave’. Also let go of the expectations you put on yourself – and of your kids – and just enjoy each other’s company with no agenda and no rules. You might rediscover a stress-free side of parenting you really love.
7. Start a book. A real-life book. And let yourself wind down a long day with 30 minutes of reading for pleasure. Better still, join a book club which will force you to read books! And if you can’t find a club, create your own. We’ve got a better suggestion: join our HoneyKids book club and check out our awesome monthly recommendations. Our tip? Get yourself a juicy beach read and pour yourself a glass or two of wine – the ultimate self-care treat!
8. Lock yourself in your bedroom (add aircon for extra decadence), put your earphones in and get stuck into a podcast, great playlist or audiobook. Close your eyes and remember tomorrow is a new day…
9. Take a long bath (fun bath bomb and face mask optional). Breathe deeply and think positive thoughts (like they will be grown-ups and you will be empty nesters sooner than you know it…).
10. Make sure you take a little bit of total alone time each week. Get your partner on board and demand your own time out (locks on doors make this easier). Remember the safety onboard flight messages about putting your own oxygen mask on first? Well, parenting is exactly the same – put yourself first, even if it’s just for a tiny portion of your day. If you’re not happy and healthy, it’s extra tough to look out for your family’s health and happiness. It’s all about self-care, mums!
11. Try keeping a journal. Write randomly and at a whim whenever you get a moment. Vent.
12. Go for a run or long walk (or do something else to get your heart pumping and sweaty): exercise releases healthy endorphins and helps you feel strong. It also helps your bottom fit into new jeans (see below). Plus, it makes for great social distancing.
13. Go shopping! Not for diapers or dummies or school supplies, but for you! Splurge on those jeans you’ve wanted for ages and refuse to feel guilty about it (despite knowing that the kids are bound to expel a body fluid onto them the first time you wear them). Yes, a new outfit = self-care for mums!
14. Pat a pet. If you don’t have any of your own, Singapore has an abundance of pet cafes for some furry therapy opportunities.
15. Gather mum friends (Singapore is pretty easy when it comes to making new mates) and vent! Let the kids entertain themselves (within sight!) while you let it all out. Friends who commiserate are worth keeping. You can even do this on apps such as House Party to ensure you’re social distancing!
16. Mums, treat yourself to something decadent. It doesn’t have to bust a hole in your wallet: a big fat ice-cream sundae, a pile of truffle fries or a glorious G&T all tick the box (or go crazy and indulge in all of the above). Sweet treats are really the ultimate form of self-care.
18. Just because you feel old and knackered doesn’t mean you have to look old and knackered. If you can’t get a facial right now, retreat to the bathroom and slap on a shop-bought face mask. If the kids pound on the door, open it and watch them run screaming away from your Halloween look…
19. Eat chocolate. Enough said.
20. Online shopping. Also, enough said.
21. Reflexology is hugely popular here in Singapore, and for good reason. Sessions start at just 20 mins a go, so take your tired feet to your nearest reflexology centre and have those woes rubbed away. Although best keep this one until after the Covid-19 sitch improves…
22. Watch old videos of your kids giggling. Those happy memories are sure to put a smile on your face.
23. Text your mum to thank her for everything she’s ever done for you. Better still, give her a call (you might need to clear the diary entirely for this one: we all know that mums like a chat).
24. Give your feet a DIY pedicure. Or, if you reallllly trust your partner, get them to do it for you. Pretty feet are an instant uplifter.
25. Take the dog for a walk. And if you don’t have a dog, borrow one (or foster one: there are tons of fur-kids looking for a new home in Singapore!). Dogs are way more appreciative than our kids…
26. Kondo your closet! Not only is it pretty cathartic, but you might just find a hidden gem lurking in the back of the wardrobe. There are plenty of places to donate your old threads, or try a clothes swap party!
28. Buy a grown-up colouring book (they’re totally a thing) and break out the pencils. Colouring is not just for kids anymore! Playdough, surprisingly, is also therapeutic.
29. Throw off your mood by throwing some shapes: whack on the music and dance, dance, dance. The kids will probably love this too, so it doubles as quality time together.
30. Go to an exhibition, museum or art gallery without the kids. You’ll get to take in the whole thing without having to pause for toilet breaks, snacks, explanations and cries of boredom. Don’t forget to check MOH’s updated rules on visiting museums in this climate.
31. Fall down an internet rabbit hole! Browse your way through nonsensical online frivolity and hilarious but pointless vids and memes. Animal videos are a must.
32. Take yourself on a retreat. We know that scheduling this could be a bit tricky, but at least explore the possibility… Or if you don’t want to venture away on a solo expedition, think about future plans for a weekend away with the girls.
33. Scream! There’s nothing like a bit of primal therapy to release all those frustrations. Scream into a pillow if you don’t want to wake the baby you just spent four hours rocking to sleep.
34. Yes, we know we spend most of our lives caring for others, but we still think there is a ton of value, perspective and peace of mind to be found in volunteering your time to a charity or organisation.
35. We don’t know about you, but we certainly spend a lot of our time racing between our kiddos’ after school activities, CCAs and workshops. Did you know that adult workshops are TOTALLY a thing? We’ve recently tried out a sewing course, art jamming and a jewellery course: kid-free fun for sure! Check online for ones that tickle your fancy and that you can sign up for as soon as the pandemic ends.
36. With mostly year-round decent weather, whack on your trainers and go for a walk. There’s plenty of pretty parks and gardens to pick from, and if you don’t have time to stray too far then just stroll around your ‘hood. Heading out at night is best if you fancy people-watching as you pass the houses you’ve always wished you lived in. It’s only creepy if you stop and stare!
37. If you don’t have your own garden to potter in there are some great community gardening projects happening all over Singapore. Flex those green fingers, meet some new friends and grow something that doesn’t whine when you don’t cook its pasta right.
38. Flowers always cheer the soul. We’ve given up waiting for the husbands to cheer our day with a surprise bunch of blooms, and actually choosing our own is a lot of fun.
39. Head to your pool and backstroke the tensions of the day away. Bonus: if there are comfy poolside chairs to lounge in once you’re done and soak up the vit D!
40. Once all the bars and entertainment venues reopen, we say gather up the girls and hit the town in your highest heels and brightest lippy: bubbles, dancing and gossip are critical to a woman’s long term good health. Self-care for mums, SORTED.
41. Singapore may be small in size, but there are so many pockets of this fair island that we’ve yet to really discover. Look at a map and make a list of the places you’ve never been to – from Seletar to Serangoon and Tampines to Toa Payoh, each ‘hood has its own cool vibes waiting for discovery.
42. Itching to karaoke your heart out? Try downloading an app such as Smule and competing against strangers around the world!
43. After the “show” is over, plan yourself a cheeky little staycation for a few months down the line. Singapore is full of great hotels for all budgets and you won’t have to worry a jot whether it’s got kids’ facilities. Hurrah! Yep, it’s a bit indulgent but a mum’s gotta do what a mum’s gotta do to get some self-care done.
44. Write your memoir. Or come up with a story. Apparently, we all have a novel inside us waiting to bust out. This is clearly a longer-term project, but you can dip in and out of it whenever creativity strikes. We’ve also got a handy article on getting published here in Singapore for when your opus magnum is complete.
45. Paint. No really. It’s utterly and completely soothing – glitter paint really ramps up the fun too. Kids joining in for this one is totally optional.
46. Drink champagne. As with naps and chocolate and online shopping, you’ve earned it. And if someone judges you, chalk it up to needing some self-care.
47. Schedule a regular date night with your partner. Agree not to talk about the kids. Psst, awkward silences can be filled with a good bottle of wine.
48. Whether your bestie lives next door or across the globe, set up a video call to put the world to rights. She (or he) totally gets it.
49. No matter whether it’s an all-singing, all-dancing kinda spa, or a little urban retreat close to home, it should be mandatory for all women to have a spa treatment as often as possible. Self-care for mums, personified.
50. When this whole coronavirus thing is over, book a family holiday – lock yourself away so you can spend time researching your options (kids’ clubs a must) and pick somewhere without any interference from the rest of the gang. You decide.
51. Whether you’re religious or not, there are a ton of beautiful temples, mosques and churches to check out around Singapore. Culture, peace, art and history all in one hit: if that doesn’t make for a calm hour or two then we don’t know what does! They may be closed for the timebeing, but you can still plan your temple trail for a later date.
52. Ask for help! Whether it’s from a partner, friend, online group or a counsellor, sharing problems and feelings – or even just asking someone to share the load for an hour or two – definitely makes them weigh less. You’ve got this!