I'm not a regular dad, I'm a cool dad. Here's why we're showing our appreciation for millennial dads!
From being present at every school event to asking fellow dads out, the modern millennial dad is having a moment. We’re currently loving the wholesome ‘dad Reddit’ thread that is r/daddit, where dads from anywhere and everywhere in the world come together to discuss all things fatherhood and parenting. We’ve also seen a surge in positive (often humorous) TikTok content on millennial parents, and dads in particular. Plus you might have heard that research has shown millennial dads are spending more time with their kids than ever, despite demanding jobs and other societal pressures, paving the way for the next generation of hyper-involved fathers.
It should go without saying that this of course also applies to the non-millennial dads who were, have been and are doing all the amazing things as a dad and partner already!
So where better to start flying the “Millennial dads are awesome” flag than at home? I’m glad to have a partner that has become a wonderful millennial dad in his own right. When Izat and I got married, we were young and never really talked too much about the idea of parenting. That said, we didn’t take any of it lightly when we found out we were pregnant. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t worry about him being an uninvolved dad – it stems from my own trauma of seeing my mum take on the default parent role throughout my childhood, to the point of becoming a martyr and putting everyone else’s needs before her own.
While it’s great that we have more gender equality now than ever (and of course I want to acknowledge that us mums often still bear the responsibilities of being the ‘default parent‘), it’s still worth giving a nod to the dads who are trying their best. The dads who don’t know what to do when their partners are newly postpartum and learning everything for the first time too, but are still there and patient through the breakdowns and milestones. The dads who don’t need nudging to take the kids out of their own accord, the ones assuming all-day childcare duties on a random Tuesday and not just on special weekends like Mother’s Day or mum’s birthday… The dads having deep talks with their kids about life, emotions and struggles without judgement. The ones owning their share of the domestic load and ticking things off the list just like society expects of mums.
All while navigating the challenges of having absent or non-affectionate fathers themselves.
To the regular person, he’s nothing special, and dads should already be doing this – but we want to give him and all the awesome dads out there just as much recognition too. So let’s give it up to the present, involved, and emotionally available dads. Because they’re the dads us mums and kids are grateful for.
An interview with a millennial dad
A recent study says that millennial dads are spending three times as much time with their kids than previous generations. What do you think about that?
I believe it’s true. While I’m sure there were fathers in previous generations that loved spending time with their kids and love them just as much, most of them were too busy working day and night to put food on the table for their families. Which is obviously a good thing, but their kids might have wondered why their dads didn’t spend as much time with them. They just might not have had the luxury to. The workforce back then might have not thought about work life balance and working is just the normal routine in life. Whereas now, most jobs have work life balance and I am blessed to be able to spend time with my kids after work.
What has been the biggest struggle for you since becoming a father?
The biggest struggle was the steep learning curve being a first-time father. I have zero knowledge of taking care of something so small, needing your undivided attention 24/7. With no help from my parents as my mum is physically disabled and my dad is one of those, “I never changed your diaper” kind of dads (I’m still not sure if that’s true), I had to sort of wing it. I always felt so angry inside, feeling like I wanted to explode every time I couldn’t stop my infant from crying, but I kept telling myself, “She’s just a baby.” I was more prepared when my second son was born though. Taking care of my second one felt more natural and not as messy as before.
Always thankful for my wife who’s always been very patient with me whenever I make those obvious ‘dad mistakes’ like putting on the diaper wrong or always putting on my kids’ shirts backwards! [NB: I promise I didn’t force him to say this!]
Do you think dads get a disproportionately higher amount of praise for being a parent compared to mums?
Yes. I 100% agree on this. I remember bringing my baby girl to the nursing room in a mall to change her diaper and there were a few mothers there. One of them asked me in a surprising tone how often I change my baby’s diaper and I thought to myself, why am I being asked this? Dads shouldn’t be praised for taking care of their kid. It’s only natural.
How did you find your dad tribe?
I found my ‘dad tribe’ from my previous workplace. Two of my work besties have kids around the same age and one of their daughters even goes to the same school as mine. I think it’s so important to have friends in the same phase of life because we can seek and share parental advice, talk about where to bring our kids for a fun day out and also arrange fun play dates (it’s also just an excuse for the guys to meet). If you don’t have friends who are in the same phase of life then you might feel lonely and have no one to turn to when you need to find out how to deal with a certain situation.
When you find out someone is a dad, do you immediately feel a connection?
No, haha. I think it’s just me. It’s hard for me to connect with someone I just met. But when I find out someone is a dad then the conversation will just be about our kids.
How did your upbringing affect the way you parent the kids now?
I take the good and bad from how my parents brought me up. I try my best to make sure I don’t make the same mistakes as them. I think it might be a problem for me in the future as I don’t want to mess it up so I have to check myself if I go too far. I don’t want history to repeat itself by trying to stop it from happening.
What’s one thing you wish you knew before becoming a father?
Becoming fitter before being a dad! Chasing them at playground, playing with them. Lifting them up high and being asked over and over again to do it “one more time.” It’s not as fun when you’re out of breath. I’ve started getting serious about exercise so luckily I’m fitter now and enjoy every second playing with them.
What’s your favourite part of being a dad?
Being able to play with my kids. Going out to fun places with them. Can’t wait for them to be a bit older so we’ll be able to go on roller coaster rides with them! And the hugs. Oh those lovely warm hugs.
If your kids are reading this right now, what would you like to tell them?
Daddy is doing his best. Daddy loves both of you so much and I hope you can see that when you grow up. Even though I don’t want you to grow up and wish you could stay as babies forever, I can’t wait to see how you grow to be the best versions of yourself.
