With the rise of social media use in our tweens and teens, it can be hard to stay on top of their online activities. Clinical psychologist Emmanuelle Mollet O'Grady shares preventive measures against sexual grooming and how to teach kids digital literacy.
In today’s digital age, teenagers are navigating a complex online landscape where sharing intimate photos has become increasingly common. However, what may seem like harmless flirtation or a display of affection between boyfriends/girlfriends can quickly escalate into dangerous territory. Exchanging intimate photos online poses significant risks to young people, including exposure to exploitation, risk of paedophilia, cyberbullying, trauma and possible legal consequences.
Young teenage girls, in particular, seem to be more at more at risk of becoming the victims of online pornography situations with some social media platforms, which unfortunately have no control over certain loopholes. Indeed sexual predators try to become their “friends” anonymously and then the situation can escalate to exposure to pornography, grooming behaviours and undercover adults asking for nudes and using their vulnerability.
Emmanuelle Mollet O’Grady is the Principal Clinical Psychologist (Child & Adolescent) at International Medical Clinic. She is a fully qualified French-trained clinical Psychologist with 20 years of clinical experience. Emmanuelle is a specialised child and adolescent psychologist, who also works closely with their families and siblings, if the need arises. Here, she shares more about sexual grooming and how we can protect our children from falling prey to it online.
What is sexual grooming?
Sexual grooming is when a sexual predator builds a relationship with a child or adult to abuse and exploit them. This can result from meeting strangers online. They build trust but use it to control, isolate, and abuse their victims emotionally, physically, and sexually. The groomer often comes across as charming, helpful, and kind in the beginning.
The risks & legal implications
One of the most alarming risks teenagers face when sharing intimate photos online is the potential for exploitation. Predators may use these images to blackmail, manipulate, or coerce teenagers into risky behaviours.
Intimate photos shared online can easily be circulated without consent, leading to cyberbullying, harassment, and public humiliation especially in schools. Once an image is out of the sender’s control, it can spread rapidly across social media platforms, causing irreparable damage to the teenager’s reputation and mental well-being. It is more and more common for a boyfriend or a friend to think it is OK to show their friends a naked photo of their girlfriend or even to circulate these photos: what they are not aware of, is that this considered to be a crime of “disseminating child pornography” and can be punishable by law.
1. Preventive measures & digital literacy
Comprehensive education about the risks associated with sharing intimate photos is crucial. As parents, we can engage in open conversations with our teens about online safety, consent and the importance of respecting personal boundaries and respecting their body as private and intimate. Indeed, even sharing photos or videos with a friend or a boyfriend can lead to damaging consequences.
Educating teenagers about digital literacy involves clear communication and relatable examples. Here are some ways to discuss key aspects with teens:
Privacy matters
“Imagine if your diary was open for everyone to read. That’s what it’s like if your privacy settings aren’t secure. Let’s check your Instagram settings together to ensure only your friends can see your posts.”
Practical demonstration
Show them how to adjust privacy settings on platforms like Instagram, TikTok and Facebook. Explain what each setting does and why it’s important. It is important for parents to get familiar with these so they can help their teen. This can be a bit tricky as some social media are less known by the adults, such as TikTok or Snapchat.
Respect Online as Offline
“Just like you wouldn’t do something to someone in person, you shouldn’t do it online (i.e. yelling at them). Think before you post or comment. How would you feel if someone said that to you?”
Golden rule: If you wouldn’t say it to someone’s face, don’t say it online. Remember, the person on the other side has feelings too.
Advise them to think before they post, and share real-life consequences
Once something is online, it’s there forever. Even if you delete it, someone might have taken a screenshot. Before you post, ask yourself if you’d be okay with everyone seeing it. Share stories of people who faced consequences because of what they posted online. This helps them understand the long-term impact of their digital actions.
When it comes to photos of nudes…
Would you show your naked body to someone at school if they ask? Private parts should be private and no one has to right to force you or black mail you to show it. It is important to not feel embarrassed and ask an adult about his if this happens, like a school counsellor, parents or a teacher.
2. Encourage critical thinking skills
Critical thinking helps teens assess the potential risks before sharing any personal information or images online. This involves teaching them to evaluate situations carefully and recognise warning signs. If your child feels comfortable discussing their online experiences and questioning what they encounter, you can help them develop the critical thinking skills necessary to navigate the digital world safely. Here are some examples and tips on how to guide teens in this process.
Question the motivation
Pause and think: “Before sharing anything online, ask yourself why you are sharing this information or image. What do you hope to achieve, and who will see it?”
Consider consequences: “Imagine if your teacher, parent, or future employer saw this post. Would you still feel comfortable?”
Evaluate the platform
“Is this a public platform where anyone can see your information, or is it a private one restricted to friends and family? Does this platform have strong privacy and security settings? Have you checked them recently?
Spot these red flags while chatting online
- Inconsistent information: If someone tells you different stories about the same thing or their details keep changing, that’s a red flag. Genuine people usually have consistent information.
- Requests for personal information: Never share personal details like your address, phone number, or financial information with someone you’ve just met online. Legitimate friends won’t ask for this information out of the blue.
- Be skeptical: If someone is offering you something that seems too good to be true, it probably is. Be wary of promises of money, gifts, or opportunities that seem unrealistic.
- Pressure to meet or share more: If someone is pressuring you to meet in person or share more personal details quickly, it’s a red flag. Genuine relationships take time to build and respect your boundaries.
3. How to set clear guidelines for your child
Adults can set clear guidelines regarding online behaviour and establish boundaries for social media usage.
Emphasise the importance of respecting oneself and others’ privacy, and discuss the potential consequences of violating these boundaries. Here are some strategies and resources for teaching teens about online behaviours and boundaries without fear mongering:
Open communication
Start the conversation: “Let’s talk about how we can use social media in a way that’s fun but also safe. What do you think are some important rules we should follow?”
Regular check-ins: “How’s everything going online? Have you seen anything that made you uncomfortable or confused?”
Set clear expectations
Define acceptable use by saying something like, “You can use social media after homework and chores are done, and for up to two hours a day.”
Be a role model
Try to limit your own screen time use and avoid using your phone during family meals if that’s what you expect of your kids. It helps you be more present with each other when you’re all together.
Often teenagers don’t realise the legal implications of sharing explicit images, including the potential for criminal charges and long-term consequences. Empower them to make informed decisions and seek legal advice if necessary. This would also prevent the risk of trauma and mental health consequences.
While the internet offers numerous benefits and opportunities for connection, it’s essential to help teens recognise the risks associated with sharing intimate photos or videos online. By raising awareness, providing education, and fostering open communication, we can empower our teens to navigate the digital world safely and responsibly, protecting themselves from harm and exploitation.
Thank you Emmanuelle for sharing these useful tips! Here’s to raising more digitally savvy kids who practise staying safe online!