We asked our panel of parents about the strategies they use to raise grounded kids - and not dreaded ‘expat brats’.
We’ve all seen them lolling about Singapore – that hideous breed of over-entitled offshore offspring more commonly referred to as the ‘expat brat’. In a life filled with country clubs, pool parties, tennis lessons and fairy godmother helpers, it’s little wonder our once angelic kids are at high risk of morphing into spoilt third-culture terrors…
Are you too scared to take your child home on holiday for fear of what horribly cringeworthy thing they might say? If the answer is yes, then you may have an expat brat on your hands. For most foreigners, a time will come to leave this sheltered, comfortable bubble we call home. But how will our kids cope with real, gritty life, where dirty dishes don’t wash themselves, and you actually need to look over your shoulder when walking down a dark alleyway? We’ve canvassed the opinions of our panel of parents on their strategies to avoid raising spoilt expat brats. Unsurprisingly, they had a lot to say on this meaty issue…
HOW TO AVOID RAISING EXPAT BRATS IN SINGAPORE
In a life that features helpers, condos, country clubs and international schools, how do you keep your kid’s feet on the ground?
“It’s really difficult. I hear my kids barking orders at my helper and I am horrified, but it seems I am the only one horrified – my helper doesn’t seem to pull them up on it – which makes it harder. I do think we need to leave Singapore so the kids don’t grow up to be expat brats.”
Jess Hart, Australian, three kids
“Our child is only five, but she’s becoming more aware of this privileged life we lead as expats. We’ve just purchased an e-book called Gratitude, a positive approach to raising thankful kids so clearly we’re looking for answers.”
Helena Ramsdale, British, one child
“We are strict. Our kids know that the helpers are members of the family, and that no one is their slave. We work together to keep it going.”
Roberta Ciccone, American, five kids
“We try to make sure our kids have age appropriate chores, like clearing their plates after meals, putting away their toys, being polite to everyone, etc. We feel that it is a luxury to have help, and grateful to have a well-balanced family life. So we try to make sure our children also realise that.”
Britney Williams, American, three kids
“Make them do a lot of chores at home, and don’t allow them to treat the helper like a slave.” Amy James, Australian, three kids
“By making him earn his keep. Manners are a must with everyone, including a helper who is there to help with things he cannot accomplish on his own.”
Lena Lee, Singaporean, two kids
“Always make the children do chores. They should know what work feels like. We insist our daughter washes the dishes and takes care of her sister every now and then.”
Maria Athena Catedral Bughao, Filipino, two kids
“This is one of the key reasons we want to move back home, to keep our kid grounded and independent.”
Adriana Diaz, Brazilian, one child
“We are very strict. They must make their own beds at weekends (they are three and four), they have to take their own plates and cups to the kitchen sink, we make them line up their shoes, and they have to thank their Aunty for everything she does for them (thank you for my breakfast/lunch/dinner). We want them to stay grounded as much we can.”
Olga Grant, Netherlands, two kids
“Now that the coveted ‘expat package’ is becoming more rare, we hope this ‘expat brat’ thing will also. We are on a tighter budget than we were at home! We’re here for the cultural experience and expanded world view. The luxuries are nice but we (and by extension, our children) are always very aware that this life is a charmed one, and it won’t always be this way. We were very clear with our children and our new helper, that she works for us and not the children.”
Alexa Bennett, British, three kids
“My husband grew up in India, where domestic help is even more common. And his very wise mother made sure that the children always helped to pick up toys, or get their own snacks and drinks from the fridge. They also learned skills they would need to ‘do for themselves’ like cleaning, cooking, sewing and ironing. We plan to do the same.”
Faith Chanda, American, two kids
“We think educating your kids on how privileged they are versus other children in the world is important. Gratitude and respect for others is essential, otherwise it is a slippery slope towards raising expat brats.”
Carrie Gray, Australian, three kids
“Make them do chores, show respect to those around them who are helping them, and take them back to the UK regularly.”
Emily Brown, British, two kids
“We have our kids pick up their own toys, and when they get a little older, they will clean their rooms as well.”
Brian Bird, American, two kids
“Teaching children about life values starts at home. As parents we are role models.”
Sri Rahayu, Singaporean, two kids
*Some of the above names have been changed, as requested by a handful of members in the panel.
Worried you’ve raised an expat brat? Check out this parent’s advice on raising kind, inclusive kids.
