
Balancing love, resilience, and the bittersweet realities of caregiving, Kara Chandramogan shares her journey as a sister and advocate for her brother Bala, who has autism. Her story shines a light on the challenges, joys, and bonds that define sibling caregiving.
Becoming a caregiver for an individual with special needs is not just a role — it’s a journey that can reshape your life and transform how you see the world. Yet for sibling caregivers, the journey might begin very early in childhood and often feels different from the norm, marked by responsibilities, challenges, and moments of connection.
Balancing caregiving with personal goals, navigating societal misconceptions, and advocating for inclusion can feel overwhelming. Plus, this journey is intertwined with cultural expectations and evolving support systems in Singapore. That’s why I felt heartened when I chanced upon Kara Chandramogan’s social media platform, @autism.sibling.hope, which provided much heartfelt insight into what it’s like being a caregiver to a sibling with autism.
Kara is a a passionate advocate for the special needs community and a dedicated caregiver to her older brother, Bala, who has autism. With a diverse background as an ex-engineer, special education teacher, and currently senior behavioural therapist, she brings a wealth of experience to her role as a caregiver. I especially found her reflections on navigating life choices and beyond in Singapore as a caregiver-sibling, particularly touching. As part of her advocacy, she also informs her followers on ways to support individuals with special needs, create an inclusive environment and more.
A chat with Kara, caregiver to her sibling with autism
We chatted with Kara, who shares the bittersweet realities of caregiving through her heartfelt reflections and insights. From burnout and advocacy challenges to the pure joy of seeing Bala’s face light up over his favourite meal, Kara’s story is a testament to the love and resilience that define sibling caregiving. Her insights remind us that while caregiving isn’t always easy, it offers a deeper perspective on some of life’s most meaningful connections.

Hi Kara, can you tell us a little bit about your brother Bala and how you came to be his primary caregiver?
My older brother Bala was diagnosed with ASD (Autism Spectrum Disorder) when he was three years old. I was just born then as well. Though he is 36 years old this year, his cognitive age would be three to four years old. Growing up with Bala, I thought his actions were normal since he is my older brother. But as I got older (around primary school), I noticed he was quite different. He lacked speech and had MANY meltdowns that were quite aggressive (e.g. hitting others, biting himself and others). Hence, I was slipped into the caregiver role as a young teenager due to my mum’s frequent hospitalisations.
As a sibling of someone with special needs, I realised my life differed significantly from my peers, as a child and even now. I had many responsibilities growing up as compared to my peers. I had to know what medications Bala was on, when to give it to him, and even take care of Bala’s grooming such as trimming his nails, cutting his hair, and learning how to shave his beard. Being Bala’s caregiver allowed me to be more empathetic and to realise that everyone’s life is very different.
What are the most rewarding and challenging parts of your caregiving experience?
I think seeing my older brother smile or seeing that twinkle in his eyes when he gets his favourite food or does his favourite activity is the most rewarding part of my experience as a caregiver. The challenging part would be more about advocacy and changing the perspective of society, especially when I bring him out.
I remember an incident as a young teenager, whereby my family and I were heading to the temple by a public bus. When we took the bus, my father managed to get my brother to sit next to an auntie. Sadly, this lady stared at my brother as if he was a criminal or a pervert and kept making ‘tsk tsk’ sounds. My father had to call out the behaviour and managed to find a different seat to sit with Bala. It was a sad memory, but reflecting upon it, I realise that it has pushed me to be more comfortable with Bala’s needs publicly.

How do you balance caregiving with your own goals and needs? How did this shape your childhood?
Looking back, I was not able to balance caregiving and my own needs well. I went through multiple burnouts. Through therapy and focusing on my own needs, I was able to find a better balance in my late 20s, and now, reflecting in my 30s, I can say that the caregiving experiences, both good and bad, are welcome.
Not all days are inspiring, and not all days are burnout.
As a child, I remember I had to look out a lot for my older brother because he used to wander and run off a lot. Hence, I was already very aware of my surroundings at a young age. Some days, it felt like I was the older sibling doing all the work. For example I had to skip my lectures during my polytechnic days to go home to care for my brother for his meals and medications. During that time, I didn’t share with my peers about my brother or the situation. But my parents did try to set time aside for me alone, and I was able to be myself and not be just identified only as Bala’s sister.
Does your brother have any unique talents or interests? What activities have helped him thrive?
I’d like to share that not every person with autism has a unique talent. Bala has an interest in doing puzzles and fine motor activities. As a trained behavioural therapist, I was able to identify certain methods to help him thrive. As he enjoys fine motor activities, I would do it with him. He mostly loves doing alphabets and number puzzles which have some sensory input. Sorting by colours with pompoms also gives the added sensory input for him.
Photos: Kara Chandramogan
How do you celebrate his milestones?
Bala LOVES food. So whenever we celebrate his milestones, I either cook his favourite meal or order his favourite food for him.
What are some hopes you have for your brother?
I hope my older brother gets to be more independent with his daily living needs and stays the happy, go-lucky person that he is.
Are there any misconceptions about autism that you’d like to address?
Yes. A lot of people think, “They can ‘outgrow’ autism.” But that’s not true. Autism is a lifelong condition. With appropriate support and intervention, individuals can learn skills to navigate life more effectively but don’t ‘outgrow’ autism.

What support systems or resources have been most helpful for you and your brother?
His early intervention and step program that he used to attend at Rainbow Centre were very helpful. He is not fully verbal, but he can imitate words that we say.
SG Enable has also made a difference in my journey. Knowing there is a community that focuses on supporting families and even having support groups for siblings of special needs like SibsUnite has made a great impact.
Do you have any advice you would give to siblings of autistic individuals?
Communication is key
Find ways to communicate effectively with your siblings, even if they are non-verbal or have limited speech. Be patient and use tools like visuals, gestures, or technology if needed.
Take care of yourself
It’s okay to feel a mix of emotions — pride, love, frustration, or even guilt. Acknowledge your feelings without judgment. Make time for your interests, friends, and self-care. Your well-being matters too.
Share responsibilities
If caregiving duties are shared, communicate openly with family about what you can manage. Advocate for your sibling, but also set boundaries when necessary.
Thank you for sharing your story, Kara! These insights have really helped us understand some of the challenges caregivers face. Find out more about Kara’s caregiving journey and her advocacy here.