This Father's Day, we chat to three incredible dads of children with special needs, highlighting their resilience and dedication to creating a more inclusive society
Father’s Day lands on 16 June this year! It’s a great time to honour and appreciate the main men of our lives. We love how dads help shape their children’s lives with unwavering support and love.
This Father’s Day, we chat with three amazing dads within the MINDS (Movement for the Intellectually Disabled of Singapore) community to learn more about their stories of not just caregiving but also mentorship, resilience and advocacy. We love how these dads are fierce advocates for their kids! Their stories are a testament to the transformative power of love and dedication in parenting.
Alan: A dad with cerebral palsy parenting a child with special needs
“I was born with cerebral palsy, which affected my motor skills, mobility, and speech. In the 1960s, there was little to no support and a certain social stigma associated with families with special needs children. While my parents found it challenging to cope, I am very grateful to my foster family for bringing me up with unconditional empathy. I had to be piggybacked and given a lot of medical care and speech therapy.
I have made them proud by finishing my tertiary education in the UK, undergoing training and working in the US, and was headhunted by Deutsche Bank to join the Global Infrastructure team in 1997. I am blessed and honoured to celebrate my 27 years with the bank this year. This is evident as SG Enable’s Platinum Enabling Mark has been awarded the highest recognition for diversity and inclusiveness in Singapore.
This journey has made me grateful, resilient, empathetic, adaptable and tactful. It has also profoundly impacted my fatherhood journey when it comes to parenting my elder girl, who is neurotypical, as well as my neurodivergent daughter, Ling Fei.
The importance of showing up and having an understanding workplace
“Discrimination, stares, communication, heavy medical expenses and time management are some of the biggest challenges for me personally and as a father.
I overcome them with smiles, patience, advocacy and proper planning. Together with my wife, we have attended all parent-teacher meetings as well as events such as award ceremonies and various celebrations at MINDS Lee Kong Chian Gardens School to show our support for the work the teachers and staff have done for Ling Fei, equipping her with the invaluable skills of independence in her learning.
At work, my teams and bosses have been understanding, supportive, and flexible about giving me time for medical follow-ups and family care for both Ling Fei and myself. At home, I have found that having a reliable and compassionate domestic helper cum caregiver does help to a large extent.
How my neurodivergent daughter taught us patience
“Despite being differently abled and nonverbal, Ling Fei’s adorable demeanour makes for wonderful company and strengthens our family bonds. Ling Fei has also taught us patience, especially when managing her meltdowns and other obstacles. She has also taught me how to appreciate the small things in life. While Ling Fei is mobile, she has a limited vocabulary and cannot write, but every milestone she has achieved is momentous.
Ling Fei has never failed to surprise me. When I bid her goodnight, she catches me by surprise and says, “See you tomorrow.” At times, when I return home after a long day at work, she would even run toward me, asking for a hug. This always melts my heart.
I am so proud of Ling Fei and grateful to be her father. I have witnessed how she has grown to be so independent — as she sleeps, eats, and dresses all on her own. Her spontaneity adds to her demeanour — occasionally dancing to music, humming on her own, or playing the electric organ at random. I believe that given the time, opportunity, and support, she will grow to realise her potential.”
Daniel: Compassionate educator dad and advocate for inclusivity
Patience & the importance of finding support
“My son Ezekiel (who has autism) has taught me much about humility and patience. I have realised that none of us has all the answers to life’s challenges, and there’s so much to be learned from our children and students. Every day brings new lessons, and it is important to remain open to growth.
Patience is crucial in allowing our children to develop at their own pace without rushing or pushing them beyond their limits. Cultivating these qualities creates an environment of mutual respect and understanding among parents. Through initiatives like the Dad’s Awesome Camp organised by MINDS, we realise the importance of supporting each other in our parenting journey, nurturing healthy relationships, and creating effective learning experiences for our children and us.
As an educator, I recognise the importance of seeking support from a diverse community of professionals to nurture Ezekiel’s development and education effectively. Just as a surgeon cannot operate on themselves, and a teacher may face challenges teaching their own child in school, certain aspects of support are best facilitated by collaboration with others. My professional knowledge and experience have taught me it takes a village to raise a child well and the involvement of a supportive community is vital.
Community support and how we can all be more empathetic
“Trust and collaboration are essential elements of successful parenting and education. By fostering trust among parents, teachers, and other professionals, we create an environment of security and openness. Collaboration encourages working together towards a common goal, problem-solving and mutual respect; all centred around the well-being of the child or student. When trust and collaboration are prioritised, everyone feels valued and supported in their growth and development.
When a community supports a child, everyone grows and develops alongside them. Striving for an inclusive society is another avenue for personal growth and development. Empathy is the key to fostering an inclusive society where everyone feels valued and respected regardless of their backgrounds and abilities. However, in my personal opinion, empathy is sometimes overused and misunderstood. Each person’s challenges are unique, and while sympathy is an appropriate initial response, true empathy requires deeper understanding and connection.
There was a social experiment in the US involving a person with Down Syndrome who was being verbally abused by another actor. Most bystanders remained silent, but a few spoke up and intervened. Those who intervened included educators and family members of individuals with special needs. These individuals demonstrate empathy, having developed strong connections with those they support. All members of society need to realise that they may one day require care due to various circumstances. This realisation and empathy drive efforts toward building a more inclusive society.
Ultimately, we must ask ourselves what kind of society we want to live in. One that caters only to the smart, successful, rich and attractive? Or one that embraces diversity and actively works to remove barriers to participation and opportunity for everyone? By fostering empathy and understanding, we can truly celebrate differences and recognise each person’s unique contributions to the community.”
Mike: Devoted dad and dedicated tennis coach to individuals with disabilities
I often feel anxious for their future
“As parents to two autistic children with very different personalities and issues, my wife and I have been presented various challenges and additional responsibilities which can become very stressful and overwhelming.
As a father, I often feel an overwhelming combination of emotions — mainly anxiety for their future — which has changed my perspective on nearly everything in life, including my job, family and even social relationships. This change has further developed my character, strengthened my patience, empathy, and coordination, and made me more goal-driven. Most importantly, it gives me a sense of pride knowing that they have overcome certain obstacles many have said they would not be able to overcome.
My wife and I have also found the role of school profoundly important. MINDS Towner Gardens School offers life skills programmes that have positively impacted my daughter Marianne at home. Additional extracurricular activities such as biking are also a bonus. Through speech therapy lessons, we have also noticed Marianne becoming more verbal.
There is no secret recipe for how parents cope, as sometimes things don’t go as planned. In my experience, I have had to plan flexible working arrangements, move to a more conducive environment, arrange proper logistical arrangements, and ensure that my neighbours understand the noises that they might hear, especially when meltdowns occur.
I also believe I have to be more structured and organised in my tasks, whether in the office or at home. I focus on my health, creating a daily exercise routine at home once the kids are in bed. Regardless of how tired I am, I have made it a point to stay committed to the regime — something I believe to be the foundation that helps me cope with daily tasks and adjustments. Although our social life, travel plans, work routines and even diets had to be adjusted, I have found immense joy and happiness in seeing them grow. Every milestone we have met serves as motivation for us to push even further.
Celebrating diversity every day
“Through this winding journey, I have learned to become accepting and celebrative of their diversity. During tennis lessons, I have witnessed the immense unconditional love and patience some parents show their children. This has inspired me to become even more empathetic and compassionate, especially in our home, which has changed profoundly. At home, Marianne and Martius have made me realise the importance of being a strong advocate for their disabilities, pushing boundaries when it comes to their rights as people and cultivating a more inclusive community.
To all parents going through a similar situation: live in the present and enjoy your time with your family because worrying will get you nowhere.”
This Father’s Day, let us celebrate these fathers and all dads who embody strength, compassion, and a commitment to their children’s wellbeing. Their journeys remind us to embrace diversity, foster empathy, and advocate tirelessly for inclusivity in every aspect of life. Let’s continue supporting and learning from each other to create a brighter future where every child thrives and feels valued regardless of ability.
Happy Father’s Day to all the rad dads out there! Your love and dedication make a world of difference — a big thanks to MINDS for connecting us with Alan, Daniel and Mike to tell their stories.
