The move from primary to secondary is a huge milestone for every child, and the right type of support from parents and school can make a big difference. Read on for what the experts from Brighton College (Singapore) have to say about this.
Starting secondary school is a major transition in a child’s life. Not only will they be learning new subjects or heading to a new school, they’re also entering their teenage phase. This is a crucial time where children start to develop their own identity and pick up more responsibilities.
What’s more, our children would be navigating teenagehood and secondary school in a world that’s moving faster than the one we grew up in. This means unique and different challenges in both academic and social-emotional areas, which we as parents may be unfamiliar with.
But there’s no reason to start panicking! To quote the panellists from our recent webinar, it’s not all doom and gloom here. These panellists, who are experienced educators from Brighton College (Singapore), are here to share some tips and strategies on how you can make your child’s move to secondary school a successful one.
Missed the webinar? Scroll down for the recording! We’ve put in timestamps on each sub-topic, so you can skip to the parts that’s relevant to you.
Speaker introductions – 3.26
Brief overview of changes during transition from primary to secondary school – 6.54
Academic changes in secondary school – 12.12
Co-curricular requirements in secondary school – 15.17
Social, emotional, and mental changes in teens – 18.15
Independence as a key trait to success in school and beyond – 26.40
How Brighton prepares students for the increased independence in school – 29.57
Signs that your child may be struggling with the transition, and how to support them – 33.07
Teenage friendship: how to help teens cope with friends relocating – 40.19
Q & A – 45.02
Four things you need to know about your child’s transition to secondary school
1. Understand that this is a phase where your child will be experiencing more social, emotional, and mental changes.
– Emma Townsend
The transition into secondary school also marks the beginning of teenagehood. Your child will be experiencing physical, as well as social and emotional changes as they gain more independence and responsibility. As parents, you may notice behavioural changes as well – they no longer behave and react the same way as they did when they’re in primary school. Going through these changes can feel challenging for your child, especially so if any event of emotional significance (such as the loss of a loved one) were to occur during this period.
It’s worth noting that children within the expat community would face extra challenges during this period. Due to relocations, they’re exposed to more transitions than their peers: such as switching schools, having to make new friends, and adjusting to new routines. On the bright side, this also means they often develop additional resilience from their circumstances.
2. Teens need boundaries, and it’s best to explain these to them calmly.
– Nick Davies
As much as your soon-to-be teens crave for more independence, you should always set boundaries for them. This is especially important when it comes to things like social media and screen time, as well as cautioning them against picking vices (vaping, smoking, drugs, etc.). Be patient and put aside time to explain the reasons for setting these boundaries calmly. They may not agree with you then and there; in fact, you can expect them to be very vocal about their disagreements. When this happens, try not to lecture them; instead, try listening more and lead by example.
At Brighton, we strive to support families by working together with parents. Some of the efforts include parenting education, which we regularly do through our Brighton Talks lectures.
3. Cultivate independence by allowing your child to demonstrate that they can be trusted.
– Nick Davies and Emma Townsend
It’s hard, but it’s inevitable that you have to let go of your emergent teen. This is best done in a gradual and structured way. Engage them in discussions about boundaries and consequences, allow them to come up with solutions to your concerns. For example, ask them what they think can be done if they don’t come home by their curfew. Doing so makes your child feel that you’re taking them seriously, which then encourages them to rise to the occasion.
Most importantly, don’t hold grudges when boundaries are broken. Try to have a calm and pleasant conversation with your child about the incident. This doesn’t mean that you’re accepting their behaviour, but it shows your child that you still care about them and want to build a positive relationship with them.
At Brighton, we discuss real life scenarios and model outcomes of different decisions with our pupils during Personal, Social, Health and Economic lessons. We demonstrate trust by allowing the Year 7-9 pupils to move around school without supervision. In return, we expect them to keep track of their own timetables and be ready for lessons.
4. You may get better behaviour from children when you entrust them with responsibilities.
– Nick Davies
As educators, we’ve long known that we get better behaviour from certain children when they’re entrusted with responsibilities. You’ll notice that schools don’t only pick the best behaved children to be prefects or team captains. We believe that placing some trust in a child can be transformative, even when it feels like a risk.
Frequently asked questions about transitions to secondary school
1. I would like to give my secondary school child more ‘space’ when it comes to making their own decisions, but how do I impose a ‘limit’ on this?
You can involve them in family discussions and make decisions together. When setting boundaries and parameters, ask them to think about possible concerns and solutions from a parent’s point of view. The most important thing is to set clear parameters and explain your reasons for doing so. You might be told by your child that you’re the “only parent” who doesn’t allow them to do something – don’t be affected by that, as it’s usually not the case.
Answered by: Nick Davies
2. What should I look out for if my child is moving from a co-educational primary school to a single-sex secondary school?
The changes that your child would experience may be magnified due to the different environment. However, not all children respond to this change in similar ways. Some may struggle to adapt, whereas some may find this change favourable.
Look out for warning signs in your child, like resistance, distraction, avoidance, and increased negotiations. Have open conversations with them about their concerns; you can even share your personal experiences with them.
To ease them into their new school, you can help them maintain their friendships from their previous school; and encourage them to establish connections in their new school through extra-curricular clubs and activities.
Answered by: Emma Townsend
A big thank you to our panellists, Nick and Emma, from Brighton…
Nick Davies
Head of College at Brighton College (Singapore)
Nick Davies started as Head of Brighton College (Singapore) in April 2024. Mr. Davies had previously worked at three senior independent schools in the UK. After serving as a commissioned officer in the UK military, he returned to his own secondary school, Hampton School near London in 2006, to begin his career as a Geography teacher. Mr Davies later moved to Haileybury College in Hertfordshire as Head of Geography. During his time in charge of the department, Haileybury’s Geography pupils achieved some outstanding GCSE, A-level, and IB examination results. In 2018, Mr. Davies was promoted again to Senior Deputy Head of Stamford School in Lincolnshire, before in 2022, being promoted once more to acting Headmaster at Stamford. During his time there, Stamford school underwent a merger with the nearby Stamford High School, thereby becoming a fully co-educational school for approximately 1,300 pupils from September 2023. Mr. Davies was delighted to join the Brighton family of schools as Head of Brighton College (Singapore), admiring the group’s clear focus on the academic success of their pupils, as well as the key role that Brighton College values of kindness, confidence, and curiosity play in everything that Brighton College schools do. He is married to Annika, and is a father to Ben (11) and Isabelle (eight).
Emma Townsend
Head of Pastoral Care and Year 5 teacher at Brighton College (Singapore)
Emma Townsend is a passionate, experienced teacher. She completed a BA (Hons) three-year teacher training degree in 2007, with specialisms in English and Religious Education. After completing her training, Ms. Townsend taught for over 10 years in the UK, teaching across Key Stage One and Two. During this time, she also worked as an advisor for the Local Education Authority, moderating learning across schools in the borough. In 2019, she moved to work at Kellett School in Hong Kong. During these three years, Ms. Townsend trained with The Institute of Positive Education and completed training to support transitions for children, parents and staff who move within international schools. She has held many middle management responsibilities. The most recent roles undertaken were linked with wellbeing; leading Global Citizenship and coordinating the teaching of Positive Education across the school. Ms. Townsend is delighted to continue her time teaching in Asia and is excited to be part of the Brighton College community. She sees schooling as a learning journey; using consistency in high standards and wide-ranging opportunities to make children life-long learners. She creates a learning environment that fosters a child-centred approach to learning, allowing students to become future-ready.
This post is in partnership with Brighton College (Singapore).
