We kickstarted our latest Growing Pains podcast season with a live debate on a topic that all us parents can relate to: which parenting and discipline style suits our kids best. Read on to find out what our speakers shared, and what our audience's votes are.
You’re probably already aware about this, but it’s still validating to hear that yes, parenting is tough. It doesn’t come with a manual, and it’s not a one-size-fits-all. On top of that, some would say that different children need different parenting styles. So how do you go about choosing one that suits you and your children best?
We tackled this hot topic at our first ever HoneyKids Talks, a live podcast recording event for our relaunched Growing Pains podcast, in partnership with Poddster.
Should you be a tiger parent, a gentle parent, or an authoritative one?
When it comes to parenting and disciplining styles, the two extremes are the ones that are commonly talked about.
On one hand there’s the tiger parent, popularised by Yale Law School professor Amy Chua through her memoir, in which she referred to herself as a ‘tiger mother’. Tiger parents are typically strict, have high expectations of their children, and don’t shy away from punishments. Critics often find this parenting style harsh and worry about the possible mental health effects on children.
On the other there’s gentle parenting, also referred to as respectful parenting. Parents who follow this style regard children as individuals in their own right, empathise with and validate their feelings, and switch ‘rules’ for ‘boundaries’. This parenting style is not without its critics as well, with some calling it permissive parenting with a nicer font.
And then there’s the middle ground – authoritative parenting. It offers the respect and empathy that gentle parenting is known for, but also imposes high expectations and strict rules for their kids to follow. Though this approach is lauded by researchers as ‘the best’, critics question its rigidity and warn against parental burnout.
Three parenting schools of thought, three speakers, and one great debate.
To better understand the pros and cons of each parenting style, we hosted The Great Discipline Debate at our first HoneyKids Talks. We got three guest speakers, parenting experts who are mothers themselves, to each represent a parenting style and debate it out – all in the name of educational fun.
Taking on tiger parenting is Anabel Chew, co-founder of WeBarre and one half of Tiger Moms Club. She shared that tiger parenting stems from an objective that all parents share, which is that “we all want the best for our children”. To achieve that, tiger parents impose strict rules and high expectations to push their children into being the best version of themselves while building resilience along the way.
In contrast to that is gentle parenting, represented by psychotherapist and counsellor Marissa Nasution. She was quick to point out that while gentle parenting acknowledges and welcomes all feelings, it does not welcome all behaviour. Boundaries are necessary but they are “established in collaboration with our children”. This is so that your family embarks on this growing up journey together without instilling fear and harsh discipline on your children.
The approach Dr. Amrit Kaur (on behalf of EveryChild.SG) represents – authoritative parenting – comes right in between tiger and gentle parenting. Describing authoritative parenting as “the sweet spot”, Dr. Amrit mentioned that there are decades of empirical literature to support this. This parenting approach is ‘gentle’ enough to avoid the anxiety and “deficit in independent thinking” that tiger parenting may cause; but also ‘firm’ enough to not lapse into permissiveness.
Our audience get to be part of the conversation through voting and a live Q&A
After all three speakers have presented their case, we invited the audience to vote for their preferred parenting styles. An astounding 91% voted for authoritative parenting, convinced by the data cited by Dr. Amrit. We then opened the floor for questions – we got some really thought-provoking ones like what are the appropriate consequences for broken boundaries; should you use different parenting styles on siblings; where do you draw the line on sharing our emotions and struggles with our children.
A big thanks to our guest speakers and moderator
Dr. Amrit Kaur, taking on authoritative parenting
Clinical psychologist, on behalf of EveryChild.SG
Dr Amrit Kaur is a clinical psychologist in private practice, and has a special interest in clinical supervision and trauma therapy. Having worked in private and public settings in Michigan, New Zealand, and now Singapore, she helps people cope with traumatic experiences such as accidents, brain injuries, chronic pain, childhood abuse or neglect, sexual abuse trauma, and the effects of family violence using methods of short-term psychodynamic psychotherapy, and also employ somatic experiencing, systemic therapy, and other modalities.
Anabel Chew, taking on tiger parenting
Chief Family Officer and Co-Founder of WeBarre
Anabel Chew is mum to two little people and a mummy entrepreneur – opening the super successful fitness concept, WeBarre, in both Singapore and Hong Kong. That’s not the only string to her bow, though. She’s also a professional musician and enjoyed a very successful career before founding her fitness business. Then came the latest venture – Tiger Moms Club – created in partnership with mum pal Andrea Chong to share knowledge and advice with mums and mums to be in Singapore and beyond. She also wants us all to rethink the negative stereotypes that spring to mind when it comes to the concept of tiger mums. And that’s exactly what we wanted to talk to Anabel about…
Marissa Nasution, taking on gentle parenting
Psychotherapist, counsellor, speaker
Marissa Leufke Nasution is a Singapore-based psychotherapist, international school counsellor, and speaker on emotional intelligence. With a bicultural Indonesian-German background and over a decade of experience as a television presenter in Indonesia, she made a pivot into psychology – earning a Master’s in Psychology and a Master’s in Counselling. Today she works with children, private clients, and organisations, and is the founder of Feel-o-sophy, a company dedicated to making emotional intelligence tangible for children and families.
Moderator
Stephanie Dickson
Host of Growing Pains podcast and Consulting Partner – Experiences, Wellness and Podcasting at Honeycombers and HoneyKids Asia
Stephanie Dickson is a leading voice in sustainability and conscious leadership in Asia. She is an award-winning experience designer, speaker, host and moderator, known for creating transformative conversations and high-impact events that drive meaningful change. After nearly a decade of building conscious movements with events seeing over 40,000 changemakers, Steph sold Green Is The New Black, and is the new host for the HoneyKids Growing Pains Podcast. Her mission is to advance consciousness and accelerate climate action. Steph is a two-time TEDx speaker, a Gen.T by Tatler Leader of Tomorrow, and Prestige 40 Under 40.
The HoneyKids Growing Pains podcast is produced in partnership with Poddster
Poddster is an award-winning, next-generation podcast studio in Singapore, built for founders, creators, and brands creating interviews, video content, and digital shows. With fully equipped, operator-run studios and an in-house production team, Poddster makes it easy to film, edit, and publish professional video content – whether you’re launching a new show or levelling up an existing one.
Bonus: Got a show idea you can’t stop thinking about? Poddster is offering 10 complimentary seats to its Podcasting Masterclass (worth $49 each), exclusively for you – our reader! Discover the key principles of successful podcasts and how to apply them to your own show.
The complimentary seats are limited to the first 10 sign-ups each month, so register ASAP – just mention “HONEYCOMBERS” and what you’d like to learn from this session under the ‘What are you hoping to learn?’ text field.
Want to be a part of the HoneyKids Talks? Get in touch with us so we can share the available opportunities with you.
