From nursing to the civil service and even TikTok, these shift work mums come from a variety of career backgrounds – here they share how they make it work, and thrive.
With all the buzz surrounding the new flexi-work guidelines that are set to be implemented in December 2024, we can’t help but think of a subset of folks who won’t be able to take advantage of such policies: shift workers. Sure, employees can request for more flexible work schedules, or make arrangements for more manageable workloads, but unlike the rest of us with corporate nine-to-five work schedules, there’s often no ‘work from home’ option.
And a more targeted group in the labour force who are at a disadvantage? Shift work mums. Jobs with rotating shifts like those in the F&B, hotel, medical, civil service and airline industries help make the world go round. But have we ever thought about the parents that have to balance family life with such a demanding work schedule?
That said, some think that shift work sounds like the perfect arrangement – off the clock when the kids are awake, working when the kids are asleep, free during weekdays to run errands while the kids are in school… but when do shift work mums actually get to sleep? What does a typical work day look like? How do they make the most of their time with the kids when they’re not working? And are the perks worth it? We spoke to five mums in Singapore who have shift work and freelance schedules on how they make it work.
“Please don’t go to work, I would really miss you”
“I’m on a permanent night shift schedule, so it consists of sending my daughter Miya to school, taking a nap after sending her, fetching her in the evening and spending about two hours with her before the whole family gets ready to leave by 7pm,” says Rica, registered nurse and mum to four-year-old Samiya. “We drop her off at my parents’ before my husband (who also works shifts) and I clock in for the night. Drop-offs come with heaps of reassurance because Miya still has separation anxiety.”
Single mum of one Nurul’Ain Nabila who works as a Content Moderator at TikTok, can relate. “Usually when my daughter sends me to the door for night shift, she’ll go “Ibu, please don’t go to work, I would really miss you.” Shift work often requires irregular hours, making it difficult to establish a consistent routine for myself and my daughter. Some days she’s able to hold my hand while I sleep next to her, and some days, I’m not there. The lack of predictability and stability that comes with shift work exacerbates the already demanding role I have of being a single mother.”
The perks of shift & freelance work
“I spend more time at work than I do at home,” says Suraya, Passenger Traffic Executive at Japan Airlines and mum to 18-month-old Idris. “I don’t like the early and late hours. I missed a lot of my firstborn’s milestones and only get updates from teachers and his dad, which often make me feel so guilty. As a result, he’s much closer to his dad compared to me and my heart sinks sometimes. However, shift work does come with its perks. More allowance, especially on public holidays, so more purchasing power, hah! I also like that I get to avoid peak hours during my travel to and from the airport.”
Nurul’Ain agrees: “Shift allowance is a very attractive benefit. This extra money would allow me to bring my daughter for holidays (there is no chance my ex-husband would contribute to this) or even send her to extra-curricular classes. I also appreciate that on my work off days I have the time to myself to run errands or catch up on my sleep while she’s in school. I get to prioritise self-care.”
Freelance TV producer and mum-of-one Ashley Hong concurs on the perks of not conforming to the typical nine-to-five, “I like that I have the ability to stop when it gets too much. When I was younger, the idea of your career means everything to you, so you don’t stop hustling. After becoming a parent, your priorities shift. My kid is going through something and needs me for the week? I’m there. Having that freedom of choice as a freelance worker is incredibly empowering.”
“I believe in the saying, your kids need your time, not your money.”
It’s no secret that the ‘mum juggle‘ increases tenfold with a shift work schedule. And call it an effect of childhood trauma (and the lack of attention we may have gotten as kids), but it’s safe to say that millennial parents in particular really value quality time with our kids, despite how exhausted and burnt out we may feel after work.
“On my off days I’m normally returning from a 12-hour shift,” says Rica. “So as much as I’m sooo tired, I’d force myself to go out with her and spend time probably at the indoor playground, or just a family day out. I believe in the saying, ‘your kids need your time, not your money.'”
Nurul’Ain has the same philosophy. “My off days usually fall on weekdays, so between work and school hours, I maximise our time together by engaging in meaningful conversations during our commute home and taking her out for dinner just the two of us. These moments, though routine for a parent working office hours, hold great value for us and I cherish each one as a precious opportunity to bond and connect. A lot of people think of ‘special time’ as spending the whole day with their child, and taking them places and spending money, but that’s not it at all.
“My daughter would ask, ‘Why do you go to work?’ Instead of favouring the cold financial truth like being able to buy her toys, I choose to highlight the fulfilment, and the value of helping others: ‘I go to work so I can help people and be proud of myself, and hopefully one day make you proud of me too,’ she thinks I’m a superhero now.”
Ashley agrees on the importance of being present whenever she can. “I try to be interested in whatever she’s into for that day. To understand what toys she likes, and how she’d like to play with them. Even if it means listening to the same Lion King song over and over again, or just sitting with her to watch her favourite TV show.”
“My firstborn was in infant care when I started shift work,” says Suraya. “So I don’t see him most of the time. During my off days, I’ll keep him home. Despite being very tired, I make it a point to enjoy my off days with him… I’ll wake up early, enjoy bath time with him, cook a meal, go out shopping sometimes to get him a new toy or just head to my mom’s place and enjoy a meal. One tip I would give is if you can choose a shift plan or negotiate with your rosterer, you should. Once you know your schedule, you’ll be able to better make plans ahead of time.”
If you’re a shift work parent, we feel you
Public service customer service officer and mum-of-four Nur Diyanah reflects on her family’s situation: “There’s a Malay idiom that says, face hardship now, reap the rewards later. Guide the kids slowly when they are young. We are all humans and there have been times we’ve broken down when taking care of them because of work stress and physical exhaustion when they don’t listen. But I try to sit and calm myself down. Kids learn from our actions.”
“I try to set realistic expectations,” says Ashley. “There will be days when it gets too overwhelming, trying to be present for every single thing. You can’t, and that’s okay. Maybe today it’ll be 50% family, 50% work. Or 30% family, 70% work. Somedays, it will be 100% family and 0% work. On a daily basis, I ask myself if years from now, it will matter. Will I look back on this day? When I have my answers to that question, I carry on.
“With every deliberate choice we make, it sometimes invites other people to comment on them. And your insecurities and self doubt. Is it too much, is it too little? At the end of the day, it’s your life to lead, not theirs. Regardless of what you choose to do, you know your family best. Most importantly, you know you best. Every judgement and opinion, it’s just noise.”
Nurul’Ain says, “A good friend once said to me, if you take good care of your child, the universe would take care of you. Every day before I start my shift, I’ll tell myself that I am here today because I want to give my daughter a comfortable life. I’d be lying if I say that I don’t break down in the bathroom from burnout or exhaustion. But I keep telling myself good things are coming, and in fact, I smile more than I cry!
“To all the mums and dads in the same situation: remember to be grateful. Sometimes we are so complacent that we forgot to look at those around us… With the uncertain job market, we still have jobs to raise our little ones to be happy and successful someday. My heart goes out to mothers who are struggling everyday to raise their kids with multiple jobs. We may not be rich financially, but our heart is so rich in raising our little ones and that is something money can’t buy. We are there at bedtimes, we are there to pick them up from school, we are there to experience their milestones. One thing you can’t accuse us of being? Absent.”
