Just in time for International Women's Day, we explore the relationships we have with our bodies since becoming mothers –usually a symbol of strength and empowerment, often dimmed by the criticism we put on ourselves.
Before kids, I was a size XS for most of my life. I could eyeball most clothes off the rack and immediately know, “Yeah, this’ll fit,” without even trying them first. (Yes I know, cue eyeroll! I’m sorry, but it was genetics.)
Then I got pregnant. The changes were gradual, not immediate, and I don’t know if it was the general difficulty of the first trimester (the nausea, the lack of appetite, the fatigue…) but getting dressed just proved to be so hard. When it came time to put clothes on every morning, I remember always sitting at the edge of my bed, staring at my closet and going, “Oh my goodness, nothing fits.” I lived in the same pair of wide leg pants (with a very forgiving elastic waistband) for most of my pregnancy, and still wear them often today.
Four years of motherhood later, and my relationship with clothes has never been quite the same. I still sometimes look at pants labelled a cute size 26 and think they’d fit easily, then discover they can’t go past my knees. The stretch marks are everywhere, cellulite has become my friend, and even spider veins have started to say hello on my thighs. I can’t say I’m OK with it, but learning to accept all these changes is an ongoing journey. What helps is knowing I have my weekly yoga classes, I walk a lot (or try), eat a little bit of everything all the time, and I feel I’m just the right amount of ‘healthy’ I need to be for my kids.
In a time where ‘bounce back’ culture is especially rampant, seeing real bodies celebrated and raw stories of mums going through different stages of motherhood gives me comfort. Singapore-based parenting community Wellbub and photographer Palita Drury recently did just that with their latest campaign, ‘The Ruin I Need to Fix’, where they photographed expectant mothers in the late stages of pregnancy and newly postpartum.
“I didn’t want to do it initially,” said first-time mum Samantha Forbes. “I always worked hard at the gym to have a body I was proud of and this new body I didn’t recognise. I weighed the same at 41 weeks as I did five days after birth – thank you water weight! But my husband and mum thought it was a great idea and the more I thought about it, it was a really great campaign that I could actually contribute to.”
First-time mum Van Raj, who was also part of the campaign, echoed her sentiments: “I was approached by Sasha, the co-founder of Wellbub. In all honesty, I was pretty anxious and apprehensive as it would be my first time being involved in such a ‘raw’ photoshoot. It meant being vulnerable in front of the camera, and I was worried that my body wasn’t ‘picture perfect’. But I am very excited that more is being done to raise awareness about the postpartum period.”
Wellbub has long been a a trailblazer in promoting maternal well-being in Singapore. Their platform connects parents with experts who can provide pre and postnatal support, using an intuitive search feature that helps finding everything from doulas to baby playgroups and career coaches, much easier.
The campaign aims to challenge societal norms surrounding postpartum bodies, fostering inclusivity and empowering new mothers to embrace the beauty of their journey – a stark contrast to the usually unrealistic beauty standards we’re accustomed to seeing in the media.
When asked about the experience of being captured on camera in the last stretch of her pregnancy, new mum and doula Van says, “It was pretty magical actually. It dawned upon me the miracle that was actually taking place inside of me and that made me feel like I was glowing from within. I am actually very, very thankful that I had the photos taken. It’s such a beautiful memory that I can look back on, and admire my body for the instrument that it is. I realised that we are often our harshest critic, and my body is imperfectly perfect.”
“I was really anxious to show all my lumps and bumps,” says Samantha, who was photographed just after she had her baby. “But I kept reminding myself that I wasn’t doing it for me. If my pictures helped just one other mum be more comfortable in their postpartum body then it was all worth it. I didn’t want anyone to feel how I felt and that was only enhanced by seeing postpartum six packs on social media.”
“[During the photoshoot] was actually probably the first time I started to accept my body. The bigger stomach, the excess skin, the veins. There was no hiding under baggy clothes or self shaming and the wellbub team made me feel great. If they could celebrate my body, surely I could too? After the first five minutes, I no longer thought “oh gosh that’s a bad angle” because I was just in the moment with my baby. She was awake at the time so we were just in our bubble, being us.”
She adds, “I love our photos, it was such a special time. I don’t love my body in the pictures and I still can’t believe I didn’t bounce back, but now I have a true appreciation for it. That my body was a vessel, it grew and nurtured my baby girl for 41 weeks. I’d much rather have her than the life I had before when I was body confident.”
“My advice to new and expectant mothers is, be kind to yourself and be proud of your battle scars,” says Van. “They are proof of your unparalleled strength!”
Samantha concurs, “Self-love is so important, especially with the rollercoaster of emotions that comes with pregnancy and birth. My downfall was comparing to others and wishing I “bounced back” when the reality is, a lot of how our body copes and heals is genetics. Spend time loving your baby and when you are ready you can get your pre-pregnancy body back – or not!”
Find out more about The Ruin I Need to Fix campaign here.
