Reminder: It takes a village to raise a child – no parent can do this alone, especially if they’re also the main caregiver of children with special needs. It’s time we show our parent caregiver friends some kindness, patience, and lots of care.
While mental health conversations in Singapore are becoming more open, an essential group remains overlooked—caregivers, especially parents, who juggle the roles of both caregiver and parent to support children with mental health issues or special needs. Caregiving is a noble act, but in a codependent relationship, the line between healthy support and enabling harmful behaviours can blur, posing significant risks.
For instance, caregivers might feel obligated to keep their loved ones comfortable, even if it means giving in to demands that could worsen the situation, such as enabling addictive behaviours. This dynamic can foster a false belief that only the caregiver can meet the needs of the care recipient, delaying necessary interventions and exacerbating the condition.
According to Ning Wong, a Psychotherapist from Promises Healthcare, the relentless focus on the care recipient’s needs often leads to caregiver burnout – an emotional, mental, and physical exhaustion that compromises the caregiver’s effectiveness and quality of life. This exhaustion can spiral into depression. Moreover, care recipients may manipulate caregivers through guilt, making it difficult for them to set boundaries or seek help, perpetuating a toxic cycle that is hard to break.
In therapy, signs of codependency might include over-involvement, identity tied to caregiving, resistance to change, and feelings of being trapped—creating a challenging environment for both caregiver and care recipient.
Singing praises of parent caregivers isn’t enough. It’s high time we showed them some love and attention too.
Gentle reminder: Parent caregivers can experience stress and resentment too
All caregivers can experience burnout, including parent caregivers. As much as we like to think that parent caregivers are superheroes, they’re only humans and have their limits too. Knowing how selfless parents can be when it comes to their children, it’s easy to forget that family members caring for persons with mental health issues also often experience stress, burnout, anger, resentment, financial strain, hopelessness, depression, shame, self-blame, and isolation.
Causes for caregiver burnout can stem from the sheer caregiving workload (both physical and mental, financial strain from therapies and caregiving equipment, as well as having multiple responsibilities (eg. work obligations for working parents). Besides these, one of the main factors for burnout comes from codependency, an unhealthy relationship dynamic where the parent caregivers’ well-being is reliant on the condition of their children with special needs or mental health. In simpler terms, codependency happens when a parent caregiver puts the child’s needs before their own.
Needless to say, codependency can be pretty damaging. We’re not just talking about physical and mental fatigue – serious cases may result in the parent caregivers experiencing severe mental health themselves, Ning shares. In other cases, dysfunctional family dynamics may enable unhealthy behaviours in a child who’s struggling with a mental health condition or addiction.
If you know a parent caregiver, look out for these signs
Supporting a parent involves recognising signs of burnout, Ning says. If you notice a parent withdrawing from friends, losing interest in hobbies, experiencing drastic weight loss, falling sick frequently, or becoming easily frustrated, they may be suffering from caregiver burnout. These symptoms, often tied to codependency on a child’s condition, indicate the need for professional help to prevent further emotional and physical strain.
A compassionate, listening ear goes a long way
How can you help? Offer them a shoulder to lean on and encourage them to talk about their feelings. You may not have solutions to offer, and that’s totally fine – the most important thing is to listen and acknowledge their feelings and struggles.
You can also encourage the parent to seek professional help for their situation. Let them know that they’re not in this alone, and that there are always people out there who are willing to help. If you would like to do more, you can always offer to help them find a counsellor or therapist, and attend the first session together if they’d like.
If you’re looking for mental health support, Promises Healthcare is a mental health service provider worth checking out. Founded by Dr. Munidasa Winslow in 2011, Promises Healthcare delivers top-notch psychiatric and psychological services for all ages. With a multidisciplinary team, the clinic emphasises holistic care, using cutting-edge neuroscience and psychology protocols.
As each parent caregiver’s situation is unique, Promises offers personalised therapy that will help them recognise and address codependency, learn self-care skills, as well as provide them with social support. The goal is to help parent caregivers develop a balanced relationship with their children, without neglecting anyone’s wellbeing needs.
Every caregiver needs some TLC
Know someone within your parent tribe who’s the main caregiver of a child with special needs or mental condition? Continue to show them kindness, patience, and care – because sometimes, caregivers need someone to take care of them too.
This post is in partnership with Promises Healthcare.
