In a world where screens have become companions and digital devices shape the way we learn and connect, parenting in the digital age presents a unique set of challenges.
In the first episode of the latest season of Growing Pains, Shem Yao, Manager, Digital Wellness at TOUCH Wellness Group, discusses the art of raising children in the digital age.
Discover the secrets to setting healthy boundaries for your kids’ tech use while safeguarding their well-being as we discuss how parents can navigate the world of screen time and digital balance. But it doesn’t end there – we also delve into parents’ own relationship with social media, sharing tips for a harmonious coexistence between the virtual and real worlds.
Time codes for key talking points in this podcast episode
00:00 – Welcome to Growing Pains
01:05 – Is social media a dangerous place for children?
01:44 – What parents should be mindful of when allowing their kids access to social media
03:14 – How to deal with cyberbullying, low self-esteem, and mental health issues
07:40 – What to do when children ask for their own social media accounts
12:46 – Is there an ideal age for kids to have social media accounts?
15:50 – On the topic of “sharenting”
19:08 – Should parents ask permission before sharing photos and announcements about their children’s lives?
24:33 – How to deal with teenagers who want privacy
28:19 – Managing your digital footprint
29:14 – How to manage screen time and digital usage
31:34 – Where parents can look for resources and help
32:30 – Is this just part and parcel of life?
34:21 – Reflecting on the conversation with Shem
Featured voices
- Angela Neo, host of Growing Pains and mother of two.
- Sufyan Saad is a senior lifestyle writer at The Honeycombers. He was previously at HoneyKids Asia.
- Shem Yao is Manager, Digital Wellness at TOUCH Wellness Group and works on matters pertaining to digital and media literacy education, parenting and understanding what children, youths, families and seniors are doing in the digital arena. Follow TOUCH Community Services on Facebook, Instagram, and LinkedIn to learn more.
Growing Pains is a modern parenting podcast where we tackle the constantly changing landscape of parenting in Singapore. This season, we dive deep into modern parenting challenges: navigating the digital age, teen mental health and more during our candid conversations with parents and experts on this Little Red Dot. Tune in now! Follow the show on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Full Transcript
Angela Neo
Is social media a dangerous place for children? What can we as parents do to help our kids navigate this increasingly complex world of screens and devices? How do we raise our kids in this digital age?
Welcome to the latest season of Growing Pains, a podcast by HoneyKids Asia that explores the challenges of modern parenting and provides a safe space for parents to navigate the ever-changing landscape of parenthood. My name is Ange, I’m a mum to two boys – Xavier, who’s 11 and Marcel, who’s 9.
In this episode, we chat with Shem Yao, head of parenting at Touch Community Services and a dad of three. We want to detangle parenting in the social media era. The dos, the don’ts, the consequences, and everything in between.
Hello, Shem. It’s so lovely to have you on the podcast today.
Shem Yao
Thank you for having me. Ange.
Angela Neo
So let’s dive into the first question. Is social media a dangerous place for children?
Shem Yao
I guess it’s not exactly dangerous, per se; it’s a platform. But we want to really equip parents and families with the necessary skills to know how to work with their children and scaffolding that digital experience so that when their children are ready for the social media space, they are better equipped to keep themselves safe to manage the various danger points, or danger areas that could crop up and could even affect their kids.
Angela Neo
So there are a lot of kids who are getting onto social media apps such as TikTok, and Instagram at nine, ten, and 11 years old. What should parents be mindful of when allowing their kids access to these platforms at, you know, at that starting age of perhaps nine, ten, or 11?
Shem Yao
If you look at the age where the children are nine or ten, it will be a good idea not to let children have their own personal social media space and account. It should still be parents-led; I guess parents could use these few years, early years, to expose their kids to the idea of social media platforms. And besides, most social media platforms require a minimum age of 13 years old. So we got to keep to that.
So my suggestion is always to encourage parents in those early years to share with their children what are positive and good role models of using social media platforms through their posting. Through… the way they share, parents can show their kids this is what I share and how we do it safely. So kind of going through the whole process for where the parents can role model and show kids good examples. So by the time when they’re 13 years old, and parents feel that they are ready for this big, huge world, that’s where we can then, you know, they are in a better space to embark on this journey. And parents have shown them kind of like the foundation of it all.
Angela Neo
So the perils of social media can include cyberbullying, low self-esteem, and affect mental health. What can you do if your child is experiencing these issues? And how can these be prevented?
Shem Yao
Well, I’ll start with the easy part. How can this be prevented, right? I guess it’s about role modelling. But at the same time, we always emphasise to parents to articulate clearly what is a desirable behaviour when using social media platforms, from simple as the amount of screen time to use your phone to the responsibility needed to have a social media account. So parents have to start as early as possible and share with their children or even process with their children the boundaries, which is the prevention.
This prevention can come in many, many forms. For example, it could be how they talk to others online, what they share, what they post, and what happens when they receive negative comments. How do they process that? How do they deal with their emotions when they read comments that are inappropriate, that could be harmful, that can be could be triggering, for example? So all of these are things parents have to prepare their children for. But once the children are on these platforms that are on social media on Tik Tok, they are starting to get used to the different types of communication content. That’s where parents can journey with their children. How should kids deal with bullying? Right? It could be as simple as learning to stop, learning to block, or learning to tell a parent or trusted adult that this has happened.
All right, and then we take it from there. So, in many of the schools, they work with most of the mainstream schools or MOE schools, right, they teach this curriculum as well. How to stop, block, and tell somebody. And so we always encourage parents to do the same thing and process the same information that the children are learning in school. So there’s this consistent environment, that everybody’s on the same page. So I think that’s really crucial that… a very practical approach for children to take, especially for the younger teenagers, like 13, 14 years old, like my son. This can also be applied in the physical world setting, not just in the digital world. Right. So telling that person to stop that; block, it could be just ignoring the person; and telling a teacher or a parent. So for cyberbullying or bullying online, it’s the same approach to that, practical, simple, actionable things that they can do. But when it comes to things like… if I can say, images or content that may trigger –
Shem Yao
– anxiety, that’s where parents have to teach their children emotional regulation skills, how to regulate, what to… being open to talk to their moms and dads about it, their parents about what they’re consuming online. So there are quite a lot of things along the way. But like I always say, parents have to set the tone, parents have to basically be able to build a good relationship where they’re open, where the children are open to share and be very transparent about their struggles and what they do online.
Angela Neo
So we need to be reacting in a way that allows them to feel that they can share, maybe their missteps, and if someone inflicts something on them that doesn’t make them feel great.
Shem Yao
That’s true. Many times, there will be… I guess the biggest challenge for parents is sometimes they overreact. When the children come and tell them what’s happening online in the WhatsApp group chats and things – parents tend to –
Angela Neo
I knew it would be like that, you’re never using that again; I’m blocking that friend.
Shem Yao
And that kind of… that was one of the key reasons why young people and children do not want to talk to their parents about some of their negative experiences on the internet, on WhatsApp on social media platforms,
Angela Neo
Because they’re scared that then it will be taken away.
Shem Yao
Correct. So there was that… there’s always that concern. And so it’s really important for parents to allay that fear to assure their children that this will not happen. They will not be penalised and not be reprimanded. Mommy, Daddy is going to assure you approach this matter. And in this situation, we feel calm and rational. Yeah, that so the assurance has to be established, consistently, and is true, a lot of communication, sharing, talking about things here and there.
Angela Neo
So what do we do when our children come to us and ask us for their own social media accounts?
Shem Yao
I guess we could look at it from observable behaviours or traits that parents can observe whether their child is ready. So a child will always ask for lots of things. I’m sure you can identify with that. They will, they will always be asking for the latest mobile devices, the latest gadget, we have a social media account, we probably want to introduce what we always introduce to parents the idea of this, this S M A R T. All right, it is basically helping parents to attach what I call observable behaviour traits that show that they’re ready and responsible for technology use or even with social media. Alright, so I need to refer to that.
So, for example, S it’s basically like self-discipline. So it’s a very big word. Self-discipline, what does it mean? It could… so parents can attach observable behaviour traits. Well, are you ready for a social media account? Let’s look at it. Are you self-disciplined in managing your time in using the devices that allow access, for example, to social media accounts? Do you spend time at night going through all these things with… and sleeping really, really late? So these are how we want to help parents to see. If they’re not able to keep to some of these boundaries, then maybe they’re not ready for that yet, and you give them… So parents will want to create opportunities for children, for teenagers or children to exhibit these behaviours well before I say, Okay, now you’re ready for it. So what happens is that then the children themselves know what is expected of them. And they will work towards that. And in that process, they grow, and they pick up the skills needed to be self-disciplined. Alright, so, for M, is like being mindful of others; how do they communicate? How do they talk? You can start with just WhatsApp first because that’s the baseline for most communication between our students. So are you responding… are you mindful of the things that you say? So there is a baseline for parents to check-in. Oh, he’s good, he’s respectful, he doesn’t spam the conversation and chat. He doesn’t… So these are little things that parents can share with the kids in terms of boundaries and work from there. So we have SM. A is analytical; are they able to tell right from wrong fake and real news that they’re media literate? R is for resilience. Are they able to bounce back from basic online experiences, like conversations with friends? Some may say something mean to them, and your parents can observe that their kids are able to allow it to; they can shake it off.
They can not… they’re not affected adversely by it. And the parents can see that the child exhibits all of this behaviour that’s appropriate, that’s a good sign. And T being trustworthy. Are your kids able to keep to boundaries already set? If they can’t keep to boundaries that’s being set for a long time, it doesn’t, it’s not, it doesn’t make sense to give them more responsibilities. So it’s quite a long list to go through; I said a lot. But that’s the whole idea. Because the social media platform is such a big thing that even adults can’t handle it very, very well. What’s more, a teenager whose hormones are raging, whose going through so much on his mind dealing with his own emotions, his own emotion is at that age, they are not… they may not be able to deal with what’s happening, social media.
Angela Neo
And we do know that social media is designed to keep you looking like the algorithms work, right? They keep feeding you content that your eyes are interested in as well. So being able to self-regulate is such an important part of being able to close down TikTok because it keeps giving you every time you flick your thumb up, it gives you something else that you want to look at, it might be funny or interesting, or it’s amazing baking, or whatever it may be, but you need to learn, and I’m you know, I’m guilty of this 100% If I see some cute little rabbit eating strawberries, I want to see more. But I have to be able to self-regulate and go, Ange, you’ve had 15 minutes.
Shem Yao
Yeah. It’s good that you brought up that point about self-regulation, and the thing is that parents expect their kids to self-regulate. But the truth of the matter is, it is really tough for – a young person, it’s really… if it’s tough on an adult is even more so because… more so for a teenager or young person because they are ruled, guided by first emotions, and the ability, what we call the thinking brain. Alright, the thinking brain is not fully developed yet. So a lot of times, they are moving with how they feel. And as parents, there are opportunities. And I’m sure that kids can regulate, can self-regulate to some extent. But we’re looking at… we’re talking about platforms and, and services, digital services that are designed to make sure you’re not able to regulate that desire to keep you going. And we’re just like you mentioned; the videos just keep coming. Keep coming. Just I’ve been there. I’ve been there. I’m still there sometimes, you know, it’s just, oh, this is really funny. And you while the hours away very, very quickly. Yeah.
Angela Neo
Absolutely. So then I know we talked before about younger children asking for social media, and there are recommended guidelines as to when apps should be open for certain age groups. It’s the same as gaming, right? It will have an indicative age that they should start using whatever it may be, Roblox Minecraft. Is there an ideal age, perhaps not just recommended, but is there an ideal age for kids to have social media accounts? I kind of feel like the longer we wait, the better in some ways because, as we talk about this, being able to self-regulate and the hormones and self-esteem, but I know at some point you have to give in at some point they need and will want social media. Is it less about age and more about maturity?
Shem Yao
I guess if we look at it from age, it’s an easier guideline to have. Right. Maturity, it differs. But I guess from a parent… I’m a parent of three kids, my… you know, I was mentioning my eldest is a teenager now. It’s really tough to just have a blanket and hard stop and said, No, you can’t have it. It’s not read; you’re not ready for it. Yeah. So I, what I would like to, I guess, age might be hard to, I won’t, I won’t go as far as to say age, I think that there needs to be a discussion and compromise between parent and child. There’s also a need for transparency and accountability, something that we don’t talk about very often. So if parents would like it a lot of times, this becomes a very contentious issue. And what’s going to happen is that there will be tension in the relationship between parent and child. And that’s not a good place to be all the time.
So if we had to find a compromise, I would advise parents to say, All right, if this is something that you want, let’s not go down this route of fighting over this; let’s lay down the responsibility that you need to carry, and what you need to do. And let’s talk about it. And what are the consequences of not keeping to these responsibilities? But the baseline is 13 years old and above according to the terms and conditions of the platform. But if you can delay, you delay, but if you can delay and is causing a lot of tension at home, then let’s, let’s be open-minded about it, and let’s deal with it, set the right boundaries, the right consequences, and move forward from there. Because as much as it’s a dangerous point, a dangerous place is also a beneficial place. It can be such a powerful platform for young people to connect with the world to learn to be a source of what I call a source of good, using it to inspire people. I’ve known so many young people who can use social media to really reach out, run good social causes, and ground-up initiatives. So there’s really, it’s really merely just a platform and tool all right, and if we can, as parents, if we could inspire, equip our children to be at that age at that, at that level, there’ll be the best case scenario, but it’s a long walk. Yeah, it’s a long journey.
Angela Neo
Slight change of topic. So sharenting has become quite common nowadays. And for our listeners who don’t know what sharenting is, it’s when we share our parenting nails fails. Think cute things that our children are doing or not-so-cute things that our children are doing. What’s your take on this?
Shem Yao
I think when it comes to sharenting and parents sharing their experiences of their children on the internet, on social media platforms, it always boils down; it goes back down to why you are sharing it. Where’s that line that you will draw? Because crossing that line will bring about consequences that sometimes we are not ready for. And so we always talk about parents on social media; they left behind digital footprints, right? And it’s going to be there for a super long time for a very long time, you can’t get rid of it. So you may not have to deal with this now, but you may have to deal with fallout many years down the road. So these are things that we need to think about. And I think it’s fine that they can share because many of their reason or motivation for sharing, like, for example, for you, you might be sharing with families who could be back home in Australia, right? So I think that’s a fantastic platform. Because it’s easy. But are there certain lines that you will be mindful about that you will not cross certain things that you will be that must be kept private? Or appropriate pictures? I’m sure your 11-year-old will have something to say about it. Right?
Angela Neo
Oh, yeah. I mean, when they were little, and they dance to Moana or something, it was so cute taking video, and you send it, you know, to your sisters and your family, whatever. But now, if they’re dancing to Harry Styles or something, and I did take a video and share it, they’d be really upset with me. And I’ve got to respect that right because they’re at an age now where they’re aware of what sharing means.
Shem Yao
More self-conscious as well, yeah.
Angela Neo
And they’re more shy about those kinds of things, for sure. On that note, you know, we have seen a lot of parents oversharing their kid’s undesirable moments, you know, throwing tantrums, crying over exam results, some of which are funny, and some of which are sad or whatever else. I mean, do you think this will have detrimental effects on children in the future?
Shem Yao
I think it differs from child to child. Family to family. I won’t go as far as to say that there’s a detrimental effect; we’ll never know; all these are scenarios that we, at this point in time, speculating or say could happen. All right. And it’s good to be mindful that some of these things could happen. But if we talk about it from a management point of view, what parents can do to manage the situation is to also be able to prepare and process their children how to deal with what are the possible consequences that may come along the way. So as they deal with themselves, if I share this online, what could possibly happen? This is how I deal with it, and then sharing that with their children, with their teenagers and see just how we deal with it. And that in itself, right, that processing is also a skill set that you’re teaching your teenagers, your youth, to deal with when they post on their own. Right? It’s a, it’s a thinking process. Unconsciously, that role modelling for children. And that’s a fantastic process. That is subtle. It’s not like a sit-down. I’m gonna lecture you on how to post appropriately. The kid will say go away.
Angela Neo
Following this, then, should we always ask permission from our kids to share photos and announcements about their lives? You know, their happy birthday posts, or whatever it may be, how they’ve done in a sporting event all the way to the extreme, you know? Or is there an age where we should really be asking for their consent before posting anything?
Shem Yao
I guess where the kids when the child is off of age to have the maturity and age to understand what it means to have what it means to consent rather, the Okay mommy can post that you can’t post that when they reach their age, and they can show they’re mature enough. I think that’s where you start to ask. The key is when we start to think that we need to give consent when the kids are really, really young. That that kind of doesn’t really, it’s not really effective. If I can say because the kid doesn’t really, the child at a young age, maybe, for example, P1 or P2 may, he may or may not be able to, the child may not be able to fully understand the repercussions of consenting and say yes, neither would they have the repercussions of understanding of saying no. All right, so So parents, when you’re dealing with sharing your child’s pictures, videos or information on social media platforms have to take into consideration as a mature, responsible parent and adult and say, Okay, this is what was the purpose? And why am I sharing this? And if I’m if I have to share this online because it’s easier, what are the things that I’m what are the safeguards I’m putting in place? So, for example, I post about my kids online, and I do share with my family members; I do share with my friends. And I do have quite a big list; last I checked, it was 1000 Plus, but I do make sure that there are certain identifying markers that, like their school is being the school badges or their uniform has been blocked out. Just a simple picture, nothing out of the norm. Nothing that I will not share that is embarrassing. Yeah. And that’s great. That’s good enough. Now, there’s always that process where I’m mindful of certain things that should not be shared online. Because that may endanger my child, it may. There might be some unforeseen circumstances that allow some online person to piece together information. And that is where what I’m most afraid of. So I take steps like that. Every parent can do that.
Angela Neo
What should parents do when their kids? I’m probably thinking this would happen for tweens or teenagers when they become cognizant of their social media usage and their presence and request that they don’t want to be a part of it. Please don’t post photos of me at all.
Shem Yao
My guess is that parents should just respect that. Yeah, yeah. If the child is old enough to say, I don’t really like it. Just like my son does that to us? But there are moments where it’s like, a family photo. Right? It’s a family. Every one of us is inside. We’re just a family photo. Can you take a chill pill and relax on that?
Angela Neo
Please let me share your photo at Chinese New Year, yeah
Shem Yao
Yeah, exactly; I really want to share this with your uncles and Auntie’s can they look at this picture? So nice. No, yeah. For the first time in a long time, you’re smiling. You’re looking at a camera properly. Such a good photo can I please share it so? I think we should respect we should respect the wishes or know the request of the children or teenagers. But there are some moments where you can at least explain why you want to. Yes, so I think there’s there’s a fine,
Angela Neo
So how can we be role models to our kids on social media?
Shem Yao
Well, as I mentioned, I guess it’s really practising what you preach. Yes, having kids don’t post this, but yet, you still do so. We also need to process good critical thinking skill sharing with our kids. So one of the best ways to want to share with teenagers or even children is to show them live examples. Like once in a while, you see something that’s relevant, you take it out, and you process your kids, you talk about them, you look at what this person did. Or look at what mummy did, right? Oh, this is, I saw this inappropriate post by somebody; someone posted something that’s really not healthy. Now this is how I block, this is how I stop this content from being shown. So that helps in raising awareness, and that’s how you can role model and give good practical examples. I’m not the best example. Because I struggle with that, my wife complains about it. Like why are you always on Facebook? It’s for work, it’s for work, but it’s not true.
I guess one of the best ways to role model is to have what I call to show the kids healthy balance; the best sign that you are not showing kids a good example is when they tell you. So I do have my kids once in a while coming. Daddy, can you stop looking at your phone? You’re spending too much time on it? And that’s a wake-up call. And I’m so sorry. Okay, give me a few more minutes. Let me finish this up. And I’ll put it away.
Angela Neo
Yeah, I’ve totally had my children say, Mummy, you’re on your phone again, TikTok, you know, or whatever it may be. And sometimes it is for work. You’re on your phone answering emails.
Shem Yao
It’s always for work.
Angela Neo
But if I’m honest, it’s not always for work.
Angela Neo
How about with, I mean, we have talked a little about teenagers. And I’d like to continue that conversation because it is coming up for all of us parents, no matter what age our children are now, is that big transition. I know that a lot of teenagers become very private as they do hit puberty and become teens. And they want privacy when it comes to social media. Should we be concerned? And how do we handle this?
Shem Yao
We should be concerned. Because going back to the keyword that we’re sharing just now about accountability, is really important to start off this whole social media journey for a teenager with accountability. Because you need to help them to understand that whatever they do online, is, whatever they do in life is the parent’s responsibility.
Yeah, we want to keep them safe. So building accountability is really important sharing, sharing what they do online, and being open, not the child may not have to say Mom don’t show my report card while they’re on social media. No, as a matter of establishing that connecting point. So usually, I will always encourage parents when you allow their child to have their first social media account. You got to be their first friend. Yeah. And that helps a lot. Yeah, um, yeah, many, many parents who have worked with over the decades and say, Oh, I sent a request to my kid. And it’s been two years, and nothing has happened.
Angela Neo
It just sits there…
Shem Yao
Yeah, it just sits there. Or it could be parents who say, Oh, yeah, I’m following my child now. And I drop them a bomb. And are you sure that’s their primary account? Yeah, look at me with, like, the horror they’re facing. You mean, they have more than one.
Angela Neo
They can limit their posts so you can’t see them.
Shem Yao
Exactly. So it can catch most of those non-social media savvy parents off guard. And so we believe in accountability. Setting boundaries right from the onset, what are the consequences and talking about it; parents need to have a good starting point to as they get older; that’s where you end. As they get older and more responsible, they’re able to keep to what has been agreed upon. That’s where parents can start to relax the string a little bit and allow the kids to have more life or better with the freedom to explore and be by themselves.
But because you did very well through that accountability channel, the child will always be… will know that mommy and daddy are a safe place to be. I can share it with them. I don’t mind them looking at what I share, who I talk to what kind of comments I make. And parents, as I said, don’t overreact. Sometimes, parents when you post certain things, the parents will say, Why do you do that? Why did you say that? Parents overreact. So these are things that parents can show that they will not overreact. And, through that, the kids are more open to connecting with their parents on social media platforms.
Angela Neo
How about things like, obviously, we want to build trust, but I’ve had some friends that say that they just do spot checks, and that’s part of the agreement with their kids.
Shem Yao
That’s fine.
Angela Neo
I bought you the phone, and I trust you to use it, but I’m going to check it, and you can’t hide it. That’s part of our agreement. Is that helpful? Is that a good tool in terms of being? Just? Yeah.
Shem Yao
That is helpful. That is the step towards building accountability. It is as simple as not allowing my child to have a closed door, right? Let’s say when he has his own room, whatever he does, the door has to be open. It’s the same idea. Accountability is there. So if parents start off on that footnote, it seems really strict and an infringement of my privacy from a young person’s perspective, but it allows parents to be… to slowly release that.
Angela Neo
Well, they’re on training wheels, right?
Shem Yao
Exactly. And by the time they’re ready, parents can say, I can take the pedal off a little bit, I can relax a little bit and see how they deal with it, bit by bit. But you are scaffolding their digital experience, something we greatly emphasise at TOUCH Parenting, how to scaffold your child’s digital experiences.
Angela Neo
So speaking of privacy, what are some ways that everyone can manage their digital footprint?
Shem Yao
When it comes to social media, I think it’s really being mindful of what you say, what you post, not oversharing all kinds of, you know, whatever information. I think it’s also being mindful of who you connect with, and it’s also being mindful of your friends that you have. Once in a while, do a purge. Clearing your friend’s list, who’s this guy? Things like that. Checking your privacy settings once in a while because things do happen. These are little things that are simple yet effective in managing what you are managing your privacy on the internet on social media platforms especially.
Angela Neo
So our younger generation is considered digital natives. They’re raised on modern technology, digital media, and what can be done? We’ve talked about self-regulation, of course, but what can be done to manage screen time and social media usage?
Shem Yao
Routine helps because not only does it focus on time, screen time or duration, one of the key things about routine it sets aside when in the day that they are using; they’re allowed to have screen devices and screen time use, right? So that helps a lot. This helps your child helps to manage expectations. Alright? So the child knows I can only do it for one or two hours a day; I know I must do it between 4 to 6 pm just before dinner. So it’s really managing that behaviour on a routine, consistently. Of course, kids and teenagers do spend a lot of time outside of that. It gets harder as they get older. It gets really, really hard. I’m sure the nine-year-old for yours is a lot easier than the 11-year-old. That’s when we talk about dealing with being a bit more loose about it. Instead of focusing on when they can, they should be stopping, and when they should be not allowed to use, focus on stopping at a certain time at the end of the day; maybe one hour before bedtime is no device time. Put it aside, and they can start to wind down.
Other things could be coping with it and coping strategies. I’m just destressing. I’m just trying to play some games and have fun; those are great. But there could be other healthy alternatives. So parents probably have to introduce that to their children along the way. So always set boundaries, set the rules and the limits, and revisit these limits, these rules, periodically. Because things change. Season change. For a teenager, he may be ok right now, like my son is ok with the restriction. But I’m pretty sure things will start to change along the way.
Angela Neo
They’re gonna start pushing and asking for more freedom, and yeah.
Shem Yao
Yeah, and maybe needs to change because friends change, or there’s maybe there’s additional schoolwork that they meet together and talk a bit more. So we have to be approaching this with a lot of fluidity, adapting to what is happening with our young people and our children’s situation, especially with the schoolwork.
Angela Neo
So Shem, you’ve had so many wonderful pieces of advice so far, but I know that, as you say, things are always changing; we need more and more support and things to turn to, so what resources are available for parents and kids that we can go to for help?
Shem Yao
At TOUCH Community Services, we do have resources for parents and families. So if you could visit our webpage at touch.org.sg at the resource tab, we do have resources for parents. As part of Touch Parenting, a service of Touch Community Services, we do provide parenting support through various programs like workshops and even one-to-one consultations services and parenting so when we work with parents on specific behaviour issues. So all of these are available, you can give us drop us an email go to our website, go to our Facebook page, or you can give us our touchline a call at 18003772252.
Angela Neo
Amazing. Thanks, Shem. Personal question for you, do you feel that raising kids in the digital age is more fraught than ever? Or do you feel it’s just part of growing up in today’s society?
Shem Yao
I think it’s it’s just part and parcel of life now. I mean, we, as adults as parents, kind of enjoyed the non-digital world when you’re growing up, and then we got thrust into it. We pick it up, we deal with it, but our children are born into the digital space almost immediately. They were there on digital film and pictures on the day they were born. So they can’t really run away from it. We can’t say no. It is a dangerous place, as we started out today’s conversation.
But it is also a powerful space, giving us a lot. It has allowed us to learn so much about connection access and so on and so forth. We can’t deal. We can’t deal without it now. So moving ahead, I guess the keyword to parents is that there are many things you can do well with this technology. It’s definitely possible, but it does take a lot more effort because it’s so complex, it takes a bit more time to read up a bit more and find out a bit more, so check out the resources and listen to more podcasts like this, but the whole idea is never stop learning, never stop trying and adapting your parenting approaches and strategies because our kids are being are very different, they’re exposed very differently. So there is hope to always do better, and I think that’s what we should be focusing on. We can’t. We can’t put it in a bubble. We can’t hide, you know, hide our kids from what’s going to happen. Rather, we prepare our children by equipping them with the abilities and skills to deal with this digit digital space so they will be ready for whatever’s to come.
Angela Neo
Shem, thanks so much for joining us today. It’s so wonderful –
Shem Yao
Thank you so much for having me
Angela Neo
A big thank you to Shem for our chat today. I’m now joined by our podcast producer, Suf, to chat a little about today’s episode. Hey, Suf – so what have you learned today from Shem and TOUCH Community Services?
Sufyan Saad
Children shouldn’t be on social media, I think that’s the most important thing that I’ve learned. I liked the touchstones that Shem was sharing about; that’s smart. And I think the more important thing that I think is not just useful for kids but also for everyone who’s listening in is self-regulation. You need to be mindful, and there should be reminders for how long you’ve been on social media because when you were talking about TikTok… I’m very good with social media, right? I know when I’m done, then I’m done. But with TikTok, you just keep scrolling, and then after that, it’s one hour later. So that’s where I think the self-regulation I need to impose on myself. So it’s either be aware of how long I’ve been on the app or remove the app altogether. And it’s social media, we’re in that age where we’re all ruled by it so…
Angela Neo
It’s so true, I could just keep going as well, and I do find you’re suddenly in this black hole of time, and you’ve spent 30 minutes literally just looking at cakes being made or taffy being called or cute little rabbits eating strawberries, whatever it is.
Sufyan Saad
I think another thing that when we talk about social media, which I’m very aware of and I’m a little bit scared is when you go on social media, you think that, oh, this is my platform, and the only people who are seeing it are my followers or my friends but a lot of people tend to overshare, and I always feel that oh it’s not the kind of thing that I would do, but you see your friends doing it or the parents with the sharenting, and then I get very scared because I’m just thinking isn’t that excessive? Yeah. So we talked about sharenting. And I know, Ange, you share many of the boys on your social media, especially on IG. Will there come a time when you will cut down or even stop featuring Xavier and Marcel on your social media?
Angela Neo
Yeah, I think I… I’m not a very regular poster. So I should, I should preface that. I think you know, once every two months, I’ll put something up. It’s usually the boy’s birthday or if we’ve gone on a family holiday, made my first reel, Suf.
Yes, so I do take away a lot from Shem’s conversation, and I do think that there does come a time when our teenagers may not want to feature on our social media so, but then at the same time, what I took from him as well, was it’s ok for us to say well we took a beautiful family photo for Christmas so can I please share that. I think it’s more that the conversation needs to be a two-way street from now on, so if I want to share something with the boys, I’ll be like oh, Marcel, it’s your birthday. Can I share this photo? And just making sure they’re comfortable with what I’m sharing.
Sufyan Saad
Definitely, I agree with that.
Angela Neo
Well, that’s it for this episode of Growing Pains. Thank you for listening, and we will see you next time.
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