Would you give up the chance to travel to New York with your husband, kid-free? Hell no. But what if your baby was still only seven weeks old? Multitasking mum of two Aarika Lee talks about her ultimate guilt trip in her first column for HoneyKids...
“You’re going to New York for one week and leaving your baby behind?” This question haunted me every day for two weeks before my husband Kevin and I finally decided that we were going to do it: leave the little ones at home while we took our first trip as a couple since getting married.
Shortly after our wedding, Kevin had to attend a music conference in Austin, Texas and I had too many commitments with work so we never got to go on a honeymoon. Before we knew it, life unloaded on us in full and we never got around to planning one. Almost three years on, a chance was finally presenting itself, but at an expense – leaving our seven-week old son Ari, and our two-year old daughter, Zola at home.
Sure, they’d be with their doting grandmas, who offered to share the load. But the thought of being away from the kids for a full week was pretty tough to bear. So far, I had only been away overnight for a work trip, leaving Zola at home for the first when she was a year old. Yes, I was that mom: the kind who suffered from separation anxiety even when her baby was just in the next room. (No shame in it!) But now here I was trying to plan a week-long trip to New York with the hope of also being able to stock enough expressed milk for Ari while we were away and keep my milk supply together to continue breastfeeding him when I got home! It didn’t help that I’m not one of those women with an abundant supply of milk. I had to work hard to churn out a measly 60ml!
Sore but not sorry, I managed to express a good amount of 60ml-80ml bags for Ari before we had to leave and just in case it all ran out, a tin of formula was on standby. (“Formula for your seven-week old?!” The horror.)
The truth is, my heart broke every time I had to throw out a full bottle of expressed milk while we were away. Not to mention the feat of hunting down a restroom every couple of hours while everyone with me patiently waited. Many a Starbucks coffee was purchased as toll for restroom use. I missed the kids more than words can express and truly thought I wouldn’t be able to last those 10 days without them: there was FaceTime every day, and sometimes emotions did take over. But then 10 days came and went, and we more than survived it – as did the kids.
Because in between the emotional rollercoaster ride of separation and milk-dumping, there was New York City and all its wonder. I do feel that Kevin and I really needed that time together, and it wasn’t cool to be a cry-baby on a trip of a lifetime. We went to an awesome Korean spot called Pocha for our first date night in NYC and then had drinks at the ACE HOTEL bar. I may have had one too many…
I think sometimes being a parent can easily take over and it’s easy to forget what it is to be anyone other than that version of yourself, and being a wife/friend/lover to your partner. The trip was also a reminder for us to be more than just providers for the kids, but to also be people they could aspire to be: people who took adventures every once in awhile, people who had life experiences to share. Would we do it again? Well, I do have a trip to Japan coming up. And this time it’s solo. Watch this space…
