Would you be a stay-at-home mum if you could make your choice over again? The brutally honest mothers on our Parents’ Panel share the ups and downs of raising children full-time
Whether you choose to be a stay-at-home mum and devote the early years of your children’s lives to raising them full-time, or decide to return to the workforce as a working mum, being a mother is possibly the most difficult job in the world. It is also, undeniably, one of the most rewarding things a woman will ever experience.
The transition from your former life and identity isn’t always what we signed up for (life after motherhood is never the same); and the highs and the lows of motherhood can really make you question your identity and purpose. So this week, we asked our panel of parents:
“How do you feel about being a stay-at-home mum? What are the ups and downs of this choice?”
“I LOVE being there for every moment. HATE not having my own ‘thing’ anymore. I found it hard to transition from a full-time job where there were goals and teams and specific tasks and projects with clear successes and challenges. There were moments that I felt lonely and like no one understood me. But there have been more moments of victory and love and learning and creativity than I can count. I would not have traded these years for anything and I am so grateful to have had the opportunity when so many parents do not. Having said that, with both of my kids in full-day school now, my new challenge is the idea of going back to work, which does not end mid-afternoon and mostly does not provide summers and holiday weeks off. All in good time, all in good time…”
Faith Chanda, American, two kids
“It’s boring…”
Danielle Fredford, Australian, two kids
“I felt a bit guilty as I was the one of the few amongst my group of friends who stayed home when I had my first back in the US. Here in Singapore, it’s the norm to be a stay-at-home mom among expats. Being at home with three is tough. It’s hard speaking ‘kid’ all the time. I feel like a broken record. The best part of being home is watching them grow before your eyes! What an awesome evolution from infant to toddler to child. It’s pretty incredible and I feel very lucky to be a part of it. There is no easy way; just do what you think works for you.”
Britney Williams, American, three kids
“I love that I can be there for the kids. I love that I can totally focus on them, not worry about laundry, cooking, cleaning. I’m a happier mum because of that and a better person. But I can only be with them for some time before their incessant ‘mama mama mama mama’ calling drives me nuts. It makes me feel guilty spending money I don’t earn and spending more on me/ kids than my husband does on himself. And sometimes I feel I am losing brain cells; I know every nursery rhyme and there is yet have no idea what certain terms are my husband uses in his work.”
Olga Grant, Netherlands, two kids
“We work 24/7 with no days off, but it is worth it.”
Roberta Ciccone, American, five kids
“On one side, I see my little ones who are grasping my ideas like sponges (I already see traits of my enthusiasm and confidence in them) and on the other hand, I see my peers growing leaps and bounds professionally. There is also the possibility of boredom setting in and the mind losing focus. In my case, I was lucky enough to be able to start a business where I teach children to bake. Even though this is on a complete tangent to my previous professional experience, it is allowing me to do something I am passionate about and to learn new skills. It gives me flexibility with timing and the satisfaction that I am investing time in influencing kids of the next generation.“
Aruna Rao, Indian, two kids