How Singapore American School counsellors help kids deal with moving abroad
Kids and change go together just about as well as orange juice and toothpaste. Any parent who has had the crazy idea of leaving the house with a child in clean and normal clothes during a period when their child has an obsession with their superman costume has learnt this painful lesson. Children thrive on routine. How then do we deal with the life-changing moment of leaving Singapore for good? As summer approaches, more families are preparing for repatriation, or a move elsewhere, than at any other time of the year. The team of qualified and caring counsellors at the Singapore American School (SAS) are experts in dealing with difficult transitions and other issues that face our Third Culture Kids. Counsellor Sarah Farris also has some awesome tips for making bon voyage just that little bit less gut-wrenching for all.
How SAS supports students of every age to deal with change
Unfortunately there’s not one magic formula to help all kids cope with change. It’s difficult when you are uprooted, asked to say goodbye to your school community, buddies, teachers, helpers, and even pets. Learning to adapt is part of growing up, but for young kiddos saying goodbye and stepping into the unknown can be super scary. The team of skilled counsellors at SAS have carefully designed strategies and programmes to support student-leavers of all ages (and their parents), and have helped over 300 preschool to grade 5 students cope with the moving ordeal over the last academic year. Here’s what they do at each stage of school life for their students:
1. Elementary School
The elementary school counselling team are a constant presence throughout the year, providing lessons for students about core values such as friendship, honesty, respect, and compassion. They also support kids by way of small discussion groups and one-on-one counselling sessions. Parents are intimately involved in the process with counsellors running regular ‘Parenting the Love and Logic Way®’ and ‘Active Parenting’ workshops, as well as parent coffee mornings.
2. Middle School
Middle School students are navigating through a crucial time in their development, growing from child to teenager. Counsellors meet weekly with all the teachers in middle school to check-in on how kids are doing. If required, counsellors are at the ready to provide additional social, emotional, or academic support.
3. High School
For high school kids, it’s all about preparing for university. Counsellors in high school are seasoned pros, and are highly regarded within the college admission community. They are well placed to guide students in the university application process.
SAS top tips for an easy relocation
1. Preparing To Move
- To help your child prepare, tell them about the move as soon as the ink has dried on the contract. The last thing anyone wants is for them to inadvertently overhear plans for a move from a family friend, teacher, or you!
- Validate worries and mixed feelings, share age-appropriate information and most of all, stay positive.
- If you have a family pet, head off worry by telling kids what will happen to their animals.
- Do some fun homework with your child by researching your new country / school. Find a pen-pal!
- Create a memory book of Singapore together, including pics of favourite places (the zoo, dumplings, your condo), and email addresses of friends and teachers.
- Make your child feel part of the decision by giving them jobs to do and choices to make.
- Don’t oversell your child’s new school or setting. A good approach is to say “There will be things you really like and things you don’t like, and mum and dad are going to be so interested to hear what you think!”
2. Leaving Singapore
- Have fun planning a farewell party together.
- Take time to say goodbye to friends, important people and fave places in your child’s life. Rushing goodbyes could lead to unresolved issues and grief.
- Take time to enjoy everything you’ve loved about Singapore and SAS – visit the zoo, eat a big bowl of chicken rice, or ride the roller coasters at Universal Studios one last time.
- As you get closer to the move, communicate about feelings, and highlight the strengths of being a Third Culture Kid.
- Be realistic about your expectations for your child and for yourself.
3. Arriving at your new home
- Give your child something to look forward to by planning a special event to mark your arrival – like ordering pizza or visiting a local attraction.
- Set up routines right away, including bath time, bedtime, waking up time and school expectations.
- Give your child a sense of control by asking them to help unpack and by giving them jobs and choices.
- Get out and explore your new community with a family bike ride, a tour of the city, or joining a club.
- Communicate with your child, acknowledge and normalize their emotions. Share your own feelings. Remember, everyone adjusts at their own pace.
4. Adjusting once the dust has settled
- Often kids think that making new friends is being disloyal to their old ones. Reassure them that their old friends would want them to be happy. Help them to stay in touch via skype / email.
- Spend special quality time with your child.
- Don’t forget to nurture your relationship with your partner and to talk about any stressors. Remember you are also saying goodbye to a support system, and that you’re all in this together!
- If you need support, reach out to your child’s school counsellor.
- Be patient, see the humour in things, and before long you will be thriving in, and not just surviving your new life!
This post is sponsored by Singapore American School.