To those grieving the loss of their parents or who do not have good relations with their parents, know that you are not alone. Here are some ways to take care of yourself on those parent-oriented days.
As you know, Mother’s Day is celebrated in May, while Father’s Day falls in June. But did you know that sandwiched between the two days is a little-known observance called Parents Day? The UN General Assembly declared 1 June as the Global Day of Parents, honouring parents worldwide.
While these parent-oriented days are celebratory for most people, it can be a painful and triggering time of the year for others. They might have lost a parent (or even both), feel estranged from their old folks, struggle with infertility, feel challenged from being parents themselves, and more. If you relate to this, please know that you’re not alone in feeling this way. Managing grief, loss, or even anger while also trying to find the capacity to enjoy those days with loved ones can be difficult. So here are some tips on coping and caring for yourself on those days…
How to take care of yourself for Mother’s Day and/or Father’s Day
1. Allow yourself to feel your feelings
It’s essential to recognise and acknowledge your feelings towards these two days. Don’t let anything fester or keep them bottled up inside. Write your feelings down if you’re having trouble addressing them. According to Dr Andrea Bonior, a licensed clinical psychologist, permitting you to feel your feelings lets you understand yourself better. Acknowledging those feelings is the first step to taking care of yourself. Then, try and reframe your feelings. Replace those negative inner dialogues with compassionate self-talk.
2. Reach out for support when you need it
If parent-oriented days bring up hurt feelings, ensure there’s someone that can provide emotional support. It can be the therapist you’ve been seeing, your spouse, or a person you implicitly trust. Suppose you don’t feel comfortable talking to someone face-to-face. In that case, you can reach out to organisations such as Samaritans of Singapore. You can also try to find like-minded people who have similar experiences. Remember that you’re not alone.
Say you’ve been psyching yourself up for the day (good on you); then, you realise you might not be fine that day or are not up to it. Communicate your needs with your loved ones. Explain to your kids why those specific days can be complicated for you.
3. Look at how far you’ve come
Consider and reflect on how you have parented yourselves. Look back at the lessons you’ve learned from your relationship with your parents. It may be difficult, but it has shaped you into who you are today. Who you want to be or not be. Celebrate yourself and the many ways you self-parent.
4. Do something for yourself
Look at where you are emotionally at that moment, and form a plan around it. You can keep yourself distracted with work (bonus points if it comes with an impending deadline – a convenient excuse!) or a home project you’re interested in doing or have put off for far too long. If you need to relieve some tension, head out to The Fragment Room. It can be cathartic to destroy things.
Otherwise, go ahead and practise self-care. Book an all-day spa experience. Sweat it out at the gym or work out at home. Meditate. You can even go to the movies or dine in at the place you’ve always wanted to. Block that time off as your alone time so that you don’t have to worry about being around folks who want to celebrate those days.
If you’re dealing with grief and loss, do whatever feels comforting to you. Go for a walk in the park where you used to go together. Play their favourite music. Share anecdotes of your parents. Let them know that you still miss them. Memorialise them and just let yourself feel close to them.
5. Limit your screen time
It can be hard to ignore content on social media. You can expect online platforms to be flooded with perfectly staged photos and captions that read like essays. On days like these, it’s okay to take a break by logging out and limiting your screen time.
Many brands have also taken the next step by offering their subscribers the chance to opt out of Mother’s Day and Father’s Day marketing emails. If you think that this is helpful, go ahead and click on that unsubscribe link.
However you choose to go through Mother’s and Father’s Day, know that we see you. Do what feels right, and take care of yourself.