In a country that thrives on competition and one-upmanship, how do you 'keep things real' in your family? Our Parents’ Panel gives some honest answers…
From having your kids at the right school, to living in the right condo or driving the right car – in a country where simply owning one is still a status symbol – there’s no escaping that life here revolves around a competitive, or kiasu, culture. For those families who will one day go back to life without live-in help, loads of leisure time and luxury, and those who have only known Singapore’s culture of achievement and one-upmanship, we asked our panel of parents:
How can families ‘keep things real’ in a kiasu place like Singapore?
“We have a helper who tries to do everything for the kids, but it’s important for us to educate her and our children that they need to do things for themselves too. It’s essential that they do not take things for granted and grow up as spoilt expat kids. As for holidays, we try to make sure it’s not five-star all the time and go on back-to-basic holidays in less developed countries to show the kids what life is really like.”
Priscilla Gosh, Australian, two kids
“Be who you are and don’t allow outside influences change you.”
Roberta Ciccone, American, five kids
“By letting kids be kids. The whole enrichment and flash card add ons are akin to a nuclear arms race. Kids should be spending that time kicking a ball, blowing bubbles or learning to ride a bike.”
Lena Lee, Singaporean, two kids
“It is a difficult task, but we believe the family values at home need to be strong to keep thing real.”
Adriana Diaz, Brazilian, one child
“Parents need to be grounded, not fall prey to flaunting affluence. They need to encourage thriftiness and being careful about all types of resources – food, water, electricity, nature, and money – in their children. Other than that, learn to enjoy the simple pleasures, and Singapore has a ton to offer!”
Aruna Rao, Indian, two kids
“I’m not the competitive type. Although I still push for my daughter to do her best, I would like to see her enjoy her education.”
Maria Athena Catedral Bughao, Filipino, two kids
“We explained to our son that everyone and every family is different and just because so and so has an iPad, for example, it doesn’t mean he can have one.”
Britney Williams, American, three kids
“I think family traditions are important. I think regularly returning to your home country to spend time with grandparents, old friends and family is essential, as are regular Skype calls, recalling important stories, creating photo books etc.”
Carrie Gray, Australian, three kids
“We haven’t been here long, but so far I think we’ve kept ourselves a bit insulated from the madding crowd of expats we know is out there! We moved into a small condo building and already had a few friends here. We are very choosy about the new friends we make so that the kids are spending time with families who share our values as much as possible.”
Faith Chanda, American, two kids
“It is hard and brand labels are everywhere. I find trips to developing places like Cambodia and Vietnam help keep everyone grounded.”
Danielle Fredford, Australian, two kids
“Keep family time for family, and make your kids earn their pocket money and sweet treats.”
Olga Grant, Netherlands, two kids
“I think just spending time together as a family unit is the most important thing. Also, you need to think hard about how much you push your kids – and what’s the most important thing they can learn – because it’s probably something you can teach them at home.”
Jess Hart, Australian, three kids
“Being kiasu does have its benefits! Because we are kiasu, we constantly strive for the best for our children and we want them to go to a good school. I guess we just have to go with the flow and not think about it too much.”
Ashley Tan, Singaporean, two kids
“Surround yourself with like-minded, down-to-earth people.”
Helena Ramsdale, British, one child
“It’s all about managing expectations. As parents, we need to know what works best for our children and not be greatly affected by society’s expectations. It’s important not to get too caught up in the rat race and end up pushing our children beyond their given ability just to fit into societal norms.”
Sri Rahayu, Singaporean, two kids