We asked a panel of parents in Singapore about the best way to manage having a helper at home - and they gave us their honest answers
Welcome to the first installment of the HoneyKids Asia Parents Panel, which focuses on managing helpers in Singapore. This series of honest articles will deal with a lot of topics that families face in Singapore. Shedding some light on everything from working with helpers in Singapore, dealing with the cost of living, applying for schools and tackling a kiasu environment, is a willing panel of people just like you. And if you don’t agree, you can weigh in too! Simply post your comments at the bottom of the article. Our aim is for this forum to provide people with lots of help, and opinions to consider, when it comes to making well-informed decisions in Singapore.
The first question for HoneyKids Asia Parents Panel is…
How do you manage your helper in Singapore and set expectations when it comes to her tasks, and also her approach to care-giving?
“I have a terrible memory, so I put everything in writing. But I’m also a talker – I like to talk everything out – so I check in with her throughout the day; just to see how things are going. As we are at the beginning of our time together, I am talking through a lot of thought processes out loud, whether it’s how to make my grilled cheese sandwich (crispy side OUT) or how I’ve dealt with the kids (we count down from 5 and then we ‘help’ the child do whatever it is that needs getting done).”
Faith Chanda, American, two kids
“This is really tricky. I think the best thing to do is to write a list of jobs and sit down and be very clear with your helper of your expectations. You need to act professionally – its an employment relationship – you need to remember that – which is easy to forget when it’s in your home.”
Jess Hart, Australian, three kids
“It is all in the planning and communication. We run off a rolling fortnightly schedule so everyone understands who is where and when, who is eating what and when – plus anything extra or unique for the week. Roles and responsibilities are clear and what work is most highly valued is understood (so if we have to prioritise, then we all know how). We keep things fair; when it is a busy day for everyone then dinner is defrosted. When it is a light workday then we cook ahead for the busy days ahead. We work smart. We reward importantly via praise and financially.”
Carrie Gray, Australian, three kids
“Be clear and consise during the interview process. If you have issues, approach them gently and be respectful.”
Roberta Ciccone, American, five kids
“Initially, I exercise as much care for her as I would a family member. I figure that if she feels like she’s part of the family, she would treat my daughters with the same love, respect and care. Tasks are outlined as much as possible and demonstrated, to make sure she knows what the output should be versus having to guess at what she has to do and how. Excellent helpers aren’t born – they are trained.”
Maria Athena Catedral Bughao, Filipino, two kids
“My advice is that respect is gained only when it is given. I have had several helpers before and never have I once had any negative experience with any of them.”
Sri Rahayu, Singaporean, two kids
“I am a Mumpreneur and I try to be around my kids for their prime time – eating, putting to bed, play time. I am little compulsive in that I like the kids to follow a set routine for the day. So in case I am out, I set out a plan for my helper to follow – be it setting up a play date or sending them to a class or play time at home. I’ve noticed that my helper is happy with more detailed instructions. She only learns by example. I give her the right to reprimand in case the kids are misbehaving.”
Aruna Rao, Indian, two kids
“Communication. We write a lot down, meal plan ideas, shopping lists and our calendar. I’m no expert in this field but it’s starting to work.”
Helena Ramsdale, British, one child
“I have a helper who had never worked with children before. This meant I had to be more accountable, as she has no prior experience. It also meant that I could slowly influence her with my family in mind, rather than her imposing previous families beliefs and habits onto my family. It means that the process is relentless, but if I was in NZ then it would be. She cleans and cooks, shops and runs errands, largely.”
Sara McKenzie, New Zealand, three kids
“We set clear house rules which everyone in the house abides by. I also am sure to set out my expectations – and I am careful to listen to hers too.”
Emily Brown, British, two kids
“We were very lucky to find a hugely pro active, initiative, playful and experienced helper. She can discipline my children andI trust her 100 per cent. I have no real tips!”
Olga Grant, Netherlands, two kids
“It was a bit of a transition for us, since our helper didn’t have children and our toddler is very challenging (to say the least). At first, she was allowing him to hit her and she didn’t set boundaries. When we informed her that she needed to be firm, she went the other extreme. After many months, she is starting to get it. Be clear and make sure they understand what you are saying. Don’t let them nod their head, “Yes, ma’am.” Have them repeat what you just said and they truly understand. Also, write out a schedule – I wrote a household guide, breaking down our family, kids’ schedules, and cleaning regime.”
Britney Williams, American, three kids
“I try to be up front with my expectations all the time. And I am sure to set examples with my baby, so that she can follow on easily.”
Adriana Diaz, Brazilian, one child
“We have the luxury of jobs that are friendly on family time so we’ve made it clear to her to focus on cooking and cleaning while we focus on the kids. Watching the helper’s ability to handle basic tasks also gives us the opportunity to assess if we can trust her with pitching in when it comes to child care down the road.”
Lena Lee, Singaporean, two kids
“We are fortunate to have the right fit with our second helper – we work as a team. I did not have to set boundaries, but we did set expectations of how we want the kids brought up and these are reinforced every now and then. Our first helper was lovely and great with our daughter, but she wasn’t able to handle our son’s emotional being so we ended up needing to move her on. A helper in one family may not work, but in another they can be better suited. So if the current one isn’t working for whatever reason, don’t despair, someone else is out there that will work.”
Priscilla Gosh, Australian, two kids
“I honestly find that the process happens organically.”
Amy James, Australian, three kids
Standby for the next issue of our Parents Panel later this week, which will cover everything from the cost of school in Singapore to the best hair salons. And please feel free to let us know your thoughts on how you manage your own helper in the comments box below.
*Some of the above names have been changed, as requested by a handful of members in the panel.